book-cover
Heads or Tails
Half Sam, Half Amazing
Half Sam, Half Amazing
9 months ago

It was a brightly lit night as it always seemed to be these days, the new Governor loved his street lights, but bright as they were this was the moon's show. The moon looked ready  to challenge the Sun to an illumination death match it would definitely lose . She'd lived long enough in these parts to get used to the bright nights but somehow she never could. 

It was a busy night, a few street children running around made her hold unto her purse a little tighter. Everyone was selling something; there was nothing waiting for her at home but she still wasn't sure if she should get some food from a street vendor. She was surrounded by commotion and the distinct smell of humanity - although it was almost 9pm it felt like 2pm. As she walked she remembered all the ghost stories she had been told as a kid and wondered if ghosts could survive in cities like hers where nights had become days. 

She had never seen a ghost before, but tonight she had two shadows; hers had spent the night tiptoeing between her legs, but the second was a man. He'd been following her for a while now, she'd noticed him shortly after she left the boutique she worked in and started her walk home. She'd stolen a few glances at him and each time his gaze was fixed on her. She wondered what he wanted…

 Scratch that. She knew exactly what he wanted. 

In her experience men usually wanted only one thing, the only difference being how they tried to get it. It was bright and busy enough for her to not feel threatened and she knew it would be like that until she got home. However she wasn't sure she was comfortable with the idea of him finding out where she lived and a part of her just wanted to get the encounter she knew was coming over with. She hoped he'd let her be immediately she turned him down…

 They hardly ever did though,. 

She slowed down and decided to force his hand, even then she could feel the heat of his gaze on her neck. She stopped and fiddled with her shoe smiling at the thought that both shadows had something in common, they both wanted to tiptoe between her legs. Your move stranger. 

She could see him from the crook of her left eye and for the first time all night his step faltered and he seemed a bit unsure of himself, it was clear he was assessing his options. Well he would have to make up his mind sooner rather than later because she couldn't play with her shoes for too long -  they didn't even have laces. Just as she was about to give up and continue her walk he quickened his pace and almost immediately was beside her. She straightened up and she could finally  see his face clearly, he wasn't the most attractive man in the world but he wasn't not attractive, he probably had one of those faces that grew on you. He was holding something in his right hand and when he opened his palm she could see it was a 1 NGN coin.

After what seemed like an eternity he spoke- "Heads I take you dancing, tails you take me dancing" as he rolled the coined around his fingers. She was taken aback, she wasn't expecting anything in particular but this certainly wasn't what she thought he'd say. "You're not even going to introduce yourself and ask my name first? You don't even know if I like dancing or if I suck at it"

He smiled, "There'll be enough time for all that, it also doesn't really matter if you suck at dancing because I guarantee I suck way more, you're looking at it the wrong way. It's not just dancing."

"If dancing isn't just dancing what then is it?"

“I thought you'd never ask," he said, with a half-smile she knew he must have spent days in front of a  mirror trying to perfect.

"So we go dancing right now, there are a lot of clubs to choose from. In the beginning I'll do more drinking than dancing because remember I suck really bad maybe you suck too so maybe you're drinking as much as I am and shortly after we're both drunk enough to forget how bad we are at it and so we go offf.” He thumbed his chin “ Still, I suck way more so while you're pulling off a few graceful steps, I'm making a complete fool of myself. People start staring and laughing but I'm definitely too drunk to care, hell I even convince myself that they are cheering me on. To save me from myself and further embarrassment you take me back to your apartment, which I assume is close by because you're walking,and because alcohol only goes to your brain and genitals, we have sex.”

Audacity, she thought. He has a lot of audacity. 

He went on “The sex will be good not great, I mean these things can only get better right? But we'll have drunk enough not to care too much. I'll fall asleep immediately after because so far this has been an amazing night for me. While I sleep you'll realise that you don't even know my name and a little guilt will set in because going dancing and having sex with strangers isn't something you normally do, so you'll get to thinking; you won’t even be able to run away because remember it's your apartment, and you consider waking me up and telling me to leave but you're not that heartless.

“Finally you fall asleep, but because of how late you slept I'll wake up earlier. I'll have the bright idea to make breakfast, which is challenging because the only thing worse than my dancing is my cooking, plus I won't even know where you keep your spices. In the end all I'll succeed in doing is waste three eggs, When you wake up  I'll explain the kitchen disaster, tell you my name and ask what your name is, after you tell me I'll ask you out to dinner because the way I see it I now owe you a meal and I always pay my debts.” 

“In a few days we'll have dinner at a nice dimly lit restaurant, I'll make you laugh a few times and I'll tell you how I got the scar I have on my left arm while adding a few colourful details. I'll say it's our second date but you'll insist it's our first. We'll talk about family, work, likes, dislikes and all that, the food won't be terrible so I guess it would be considered to be a good date all things being equal. We'll go on another one and another one and before you know it we'll be in a full on relationship. I'll be a great boyfriend sometimes, a good one most times and a bad one a few times. At least that's how you'll describe me to your friends - who'll love me by the way as will your parents. Friends and parents, fathers especially, always love me. I guess I have one of those faces. We'll be happy like this for a while but then you'll jokingly suggest we get matching tattoos, something about the way I shoot the idea down will piss you off and you'll interpret it as me having commitment issues when the truth is less complex and what I really have is a fear of needles. We'll have the biggest fight we've ever had and then I'll ask you to move in with me, I mean how's that for showing commitment.

They moved slowly along the sidewalk as He continued speaking “So we'll move in together and instead of getting matching tattoos we'll get a cat named Nkoyo or Edem depending on the gender because I firmly believe pets should have Nigerian names or maybe we'll get both Nkoyo and Edem and a potted plant preferably a cactus that we'll call Vlad for no reason. I don't mean we won't have a reason for calling it Vlad, I'm saying its name will be “Vlad for no reason”. 

“In a few months you'll get pregnant and this will worry you a bit because having a child out of wedlock isn't something you wanted to happen, you'll try to explain this to me but you'll be put off by the fact that I'm smiling. You'll assume I'm not taking your views seriously but in reality I'll be smiling because I bought a ring a month ago and I just haven't figured out the proposal shtick yet, so I'll fix that and ask you to marry me there and then, the ring will fit perfectly because I spent weeks measuring your ring finger. You'll say yes of course, I mean it was never in doubt and then you'll start calling your friends and family who by the way already knew about the ring and had been bugging me to pop the question since I bought it. Nobody will be surprised but at least they'll be happy.”

We'll get married on a rainy day in September, there'll be like one million people present and I'll hate every minute of it but wetin man go do?  We'll move into a bigger place and start our lives together. Eventually you'll give birth to twins we'll call Imaobong or Alice and Imabasi or Elise, these names are still a work in progress. They'll both look like you, thank the heavens for small mercies; they'll be as smart as children can be although I'll admit that's a pretty low bar because children no too get sense like that. Elise may grow up to be a wunderkind of sorts but that remains to be seen.

 She started to say something but He shook his head slightly -  “We'll be comfortable for a while until I'll do what men do best - screw things up. The thing in question will be my assistant, all the telltale signs will be there longer work hours, more drinking and blah blah blah. It's not going to happen because I love you any less, it'll happen because I'll get bored and because I'm an idiot, mostly because I'm an idiot though. I'm really terrible at keeping secrets so one day I'll just blurt it out, you'll get mad and rightly so, they'll be some screaming and you'll kick me out of our home.  I'll spend the next few weeks begging and against your better judgement you'll take me back, shame on you for that by the way you should never take cheats back. We'll try couple's therapy, but the thing with trust is once it's gone it's definitely gone forever. You'll become really suspicious and even though I'll never step out again you'll always assume that I will or that I am. Things will get really really bad, we'll fight all the time and we'll begin to resent each other, our kids will watch us hurt each other and that will be the worst part of it all. It's a vicious cycle, the constant fights will make me hate coming home so I'll start coming home later and start spending longer hours at work but this will only feed your paranoia and make us fight even more, rinse and repeat.”

“Finally we'll decide that enough is enough and get the messiest divorce in the history of messy divorces, we'll fight tooth and nail for every single meaningless possession, friends will have to choose sides. It will be all out war but at least you'll get to keep the kids."

Then what next? She asked as she realised they had since walked past her apartment and she'd have to walk back. Well he said if we're lucky maybe once again we'll find other strangers who suck at dancing.

“So heads or tails?”

 

 

 

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