How do I even begin… *Ahem clears throat*

It feels weird posting my writings on the internet after a long time. But well let’s start with an introduction-  Hi, my name is Iheoma and I turn 23 tomorrow.

And they say birthdays are for reflections, for wise quotes and insights about life, so here’s mine: Growing older is such a weird and fascinating process.

It took me an awfully long time to appreciate what aging and time can do to a person. 

Have you ever thought about the versions of yourself that have lived? From age one, where we had no care for anything in the world rather than to play to age 16 where we cared so much what being “sweet 16” lol

It’s hard to pay attention to these versions without being self aware.

After I turned 16 I wrote in my diary “who are you,Iheoma? What will you become?”  and in the years after that I have lived so many lives, taken too many forms, identities and personalities. Each version of myself has peeled away like a snake shedding its skin as I've reached new ages. At first it came off as identity crisis, when I read past journals I kept or remembered versions of myself I get confused.

I usually have crippling anxiety and depression the days leading up to my birthdays. I get so overwhelmed with so many things. Plans, decisions, mistakes, fear of the future, responsibilities, resolutions etc they get so overwhelming that I feel like drowning. I realized much later that it’s because I try so hard to compress all of these things into the suitcase I want to take into my new age. When I should just move in and let whatever fits fit. 

This year is different, Jordan year is what they call age 23. They say it’s the best year of your life lol

One important lesson I’m taking into 23 is this, a lot can happen to a person in one year if you give yourself the chance to live, the world spins madly and it could just take you giving a chance to that version of yourself and your life would change forever. Imagine if Michael B. Jordan never tried his hand at basketball. Imagine if Rema never gave singing a chance? How ironic that Rema was endorsed as Jordan’s ambassador at 23. 

I’m letting go of the mindset that I’m here to exist as one person, I’m making room for every change, for every version to emerge, I know I am ever changing, ever forming, unfolding. 

I know that I’m still all the years that came before 23, I’m still 16,19, 20, 22, all these years underneath my Jordan year.  And being 23 is just a celebration of all the versions of iheoma that have lived and the welcoming of the next versions of me that are yet to come.

So this is the letter to Iheoma version 23: “Dear Iheoma, Become many things, become many people; if something ignites a fire within you, chase it relentlessly; trying is better than regretting, so try. Trust that every pivot, every change, every detour is leading you somewhere; the dots might not connect flawlessly, but life isn't meant to be flawless so go live it as messily as you can. And even though you do not know what the grand plan looks like, rest knowing that God is in control. Trust in the magic of new beginnings, I love you so much.”