"I miss those days," he said softly, filling in for her silence. "Sometimes, I wish I could just go back in time and re-live them. I would make different choices now."

"And what would you change?" Vanessa asked.

"I would have married you."

I've thought a lot about Tayo and Vanessa's love story, the one in the book, In Dependence, and it's a whole lot to take in.

It strikes me, how he said so simply, "I would have married you", in reply to her question about what he could have done differently in the past. So many years later, he knew what he could have done, what he should have done back then. Why do we wait so long before we decide when it is so easy to just follow the path that our heart has chosen? Yes, her father was in the way but whatever (rolls eyes). And then he went and slept with someone else, God! Why further complicate an already complicated story?

Their story is so similar to that of Ifemelu and Obinze. Love, young and intense. Ifemelu goes abroad, falls into depression and stops responding to Obinze's letters. Obinze gets married to Kosi, a woman who is nothing like Ifemelu. Years later, they find their way back to each other. Obinze tells a friend he wants to leave the marriage and his friend does not understand why he would leave a marriage because he is in love with a woman that is not his wife. In the friend's words, "Many of us didn’t marry the woman we truly loved. We married the woman that was around when we were ready to marry." If Obinze was maltreating Kosi, the friend would understand, it would be sensible.

But Obinze knew, he knew that it was more than the "acrobatic sex"(as Kosi described it). It was something else that could not be touched with fingers.

So, why then did he marry Kosi? Why did he marry at all? In Tayo's case, we understand that he married Miriam because she was pregnant.

And then we are left to pity the partners they settled for – Kosi and Miriam, Curt and Blaine and Edward – who receive only a quarter of the love they shared with the great love(s) of their lives. It's sad, annoying even. Because they are looking for their great love in these partners, and these partners (unconsciously) apologize for not being that great love. Take Kosi, for example, she knows that Obinze is cheating on her, yet she gives excuses for him when he claims to not be in the mood for sex. It's obvious that Obinze cares for her, but he doesn't love her. In his mind, he is constantly comparing her to Ifemelu.

There is a chapter in Americanah where Ifemelu is being cranky towards Curt, her boyfriend at the time. She has just sent an email to Obinze after so many years and he doesn't reply. And then Curt informs her that he's booked the Swedish massage for her.

"Thank you,” she said. Then, in a lower voice, she added, to make up for her peevishness, “You are such a sweetheart.”

“I don’t want to be a sweetheart. I want to be the fucking love of your life,” Curt said with a force that startled her.

In this case, Curt was demanding. There was a level of intimacy he was reaching for but could not quite touch with Ifemelu.

Even Vanessa and Edward. She's just met Tayo after so many years. She goes back home and realizes that a lot of things irritate her about Edward. But it's the day of their anniversary, and Edward has a gift for her. It's a book, Long Walk To Freedom, and on the first page is written, "To the woman I love, and with whom I have walked the best 18 years of my life". She is so grateful and she hugs him. But her gratefulness to Edward is nothing in the face of her love for Tayo.

In Tayo and Miriam's case, it's as if the connection wasn't even there in the first place. The only thing holding them together was their daughter, Kemi. And after a series of miscarriages and the move to America, the marriage had run its course.

We don't even want to talk about the lives of the children that were involved – Buchi and Kemi. Kemi, Tayo's daughter, grows up thinking that he didn't care. Obinze ends things with Kosi because he knows that Buchi would find out one day that her father (who is married to her mother) does not love her mother, and he wants to prevent that day from happening. Vanessa's son is grown by the time she reconnects with her ex so he kind of understands.

The stories of Tayo and Vanessa and Obinze and Ifemelu are not isolated. Most people do not end up with the great love of their life. In the case of these two pairs, they somehow found their way back to one another. But what if you never find your way back? Is it so difficult to remain single? Why get married and have your partner beg for your love? It doesn't make sense to me.