I had a conversation with someone recently about how dating—at least for people my age and in my economic class, in Lagos, Nigeria—has become ridiculously difficult. I told him I’d be writing about it, so here we go.

I used to be one of those people who believed that love was independent of finances, that relationships were about emotional connection, compatibility, and shared values rather than how much money was in your account. I thought love, in its purest form, could thrive regardless of economic conditions.

But life has a way of humbling you.

Looking back, I wonder if I believed that simply because things were more affordable back then. Maybe the economy wasn’t great, but it wasn’t this bad. Basic things that made dating enjoyable—frequent calls, casual outings, small gifts, and even transportation—were easier to access. Now, love feels like a luxury, something you need a financial plan for.

The Cost of Communication

Love thrives on communication. It’s the daily check-ins, the long conversations, the good morning texts, the late-night “I miss you” calls, and the occasional “I just wanted to hear your voice.” But have you checked the price of airtime lately?

A decent phone plan with enough airtime and data to sustain regular calls and video chats can cost above ₦10,000 monthly, depending on how often you talk. That’s not even considering the rising cost of internet bundles—because let’s be honest, sometimes texts aren’t enough. You want to see your person, share memes, send cute pictures, or even just sit on a call in silence while working.

Back when we had BlackBerry Messenger (BBM) and affordable data plans, staying in touch was cheaper. Now? The cost of connection alone is enough to strain a relationship. Imagine being in a long-distance relationship and relying solely on digital communication—how sustainable is that?

The Price of Quality Time

Going on dates used to be simple. I remember when ₦10,000 could cover an entire outing—movie tickets, popcorn, drinks, and even transport home. You could take someone out without worrying about whether your bank account would survive.

Now? That same ₦10,000 won’t even cover a single meal at an average restaurant. Want to do a casual dinner and a movie? Prepare to spend at least ₦50,000. And that’s just for a casual date. If it’s something special—say, an anniversary dinner at a nice place—just go ahead and budget ₦150,000.

Even when you try to be practical and opt for a cheaper outing, there’s always something to consider. Let’s say we decide to take public transport to cut costs. Lagos traffic, the heat, the unpredictability of danfo drivers, and the stress of navigating the city all affect your mood. How do you go on a romantic date when you’re already exhausted before even arriving?

Gifts and Grand Gestures? Think Again.

One of the love languages that many people cherish is gift-giving. And it doesn’t even have to be extravagant—sometimes, it’s just small thoughtful surprises. But when even the basics of survival are expensive, how do you prioritize gifts?

You want to buy something nice for your partner, but you have to ask yourself: Do I pay my electricity bill, or do I buy this watch? Do I cut back on groceries this month to afford this thoughtful gift? If I surprise them with concert tickets, will I still have money to fuel my car for work next week?

Love requires sacrifice, but when does sacrifice turn into suffering?

Long-Distance Relationships: A Nightmare in This Economy

Long-distance relationships have always been hard, but now, they feel almost impossible.

Flights are expensive. Traveling within Nigeria is a financial commitment, not just an emotional one. Between flight tickets, accommodation, feeding, and dates, you might as well be planning a luxury vacation. The last time I checked, a round-trip flight between Lagos and Abuja was over ₦180,000.

Even if you decide to go by road to save costs, the risks—bad roads, security concerns, the sheer exhaustion from long trips—make it a questionable decision. Some couples have resorted to seeing each other only once or twice a year because anything more than that is simply not affordable.

Love Shouldn’t Feel Like an Investment Strategy

Falling in love shouldn’t feel like solving a complex mathematical equation.

We shouldn’t have to break down expenses like:

• Cost of transportation = ₦20,000
• Cost of airtime + data = ₦10,000
• Cost of one date = ₦50,000
• Cost of small surprises = ₦20,000
• Unexpected expenses (because Nigeria will always surprise you) = ₦30,000

Total: ₦130,000 just to keep a relationship afloat for one month.

And that’s assuming no major birthdays, no emergencies, no spontaneous romantic gestures—just basic relationship maintenance.

How did we get here?

The Emotional Toll of Financial Stress in Relationships

When love starts feeling like a burden, it affects the relationship itself. The stress of constantly calculating costs can lead to resentment, frustration, and arguments. Financial strain has ended many beautiful relationships—not because the love wasn’t real, but because sustaining it became too hard.

Some people have even chosen to put dating on hold entirely, deciding that love is a secondary concern until they reach a more stable financial position. Others are forced to lower their expectations, settling for relationships they might not fully enjoy simply because it’s “easier” financially.

So, What’s the Way Forward?

I wish I had the answer.

I wish I could say, “Oh, just find creative ways to date on a budget!” But even budget-friendly dates still require spending. I wish I could say, “Love will find a way,” but in reality, love needs resources to thrive.

What I do know is this: while money shouldn’t be the foundation of a relationship, it plays a significant role in its survival. Ignoring that fact is setting yourself up for disappointment.

Love is beautiful. Love is necessary. But in this economy? Love is also expensive.

And that’s the sad truth.

I’m just a girl, standing in front of her country, asking it to let her love.