The bell for Friday’s rosary travelled from the edge of the hostel gate into each hostel’s door to the ears of the students sleeping for siesta, those washing in the bathroom and the rest sitting in groups of two or threes in bed with nothing but their underwear, and one by one the girls dressed in their pink and white gingham shirts and shorts came into the hallways. The sun was high in the sky and on Fridays, they had a rosary in the junior dining hall before heading to the fields to play. 

Dara was spread out in her suite, her friends surrounded her, and she heard the bell stop before standing up. You and Amaka rolled under the bed pressed against each other in the dark, Dara and Lolia hid in the closet and Nancy laid in the bathtub hidden by the curtain. The matrons' voices filled the hallways, demanding everyone run out of the hostels for the rosary before the bell for Angelus went off. The voices were sharp, and the noise of girls trailing down the hallways reached each of the girls in their hiding spots. The door to Dara’s private suite opened up and a matron entered, her skirt dropped to her knees, and her shirt said Adieu Papa had browned with age and in one hand she was nursing a pink crystal rosary and a cane in the other. She searched for signs of scampers, but Matron Vera was not the best at finding scampers, and it was always easier to avoid rosary when she was on duty. The matron entered the bathroom and dragged her eyes around it before sighing out loud and exiting the suite, the door closed firmly behind her. The girls waited till there was no more noise in the hallways just the distant noise of people settling in for the rosary in the junior dining hall. 

Dara was the first to emerge, followed by Lolia and Nancy. Everyone was out of their hiding spot. The curtains were drawn, and they sat cross-legged on the chinaware floor. Dara pulled out the box that held the brown figurine of The Mother. She delicately carried the figurine and dropped it in the middle of the circle. She lit a match and put on a candle. 

The girls sat quietly, watching her whisper incoherent words—a prayer, she called it. Nancy was not too convinced, but she went ahead with it because she was too far in now. Amaka closed her eyes, as Dara did, but Lolia did not. She was a bit distracted cleaning her nails, and you just stared at Dara through squinted eyes. 

Dara was beautiful to you, her brown skin smooth without blemish which was a blessing for a fifteen-year-old girl, You wanted to touch Dara’s face, you wanted to feel the smoothness of her face against your palm. Your thoughts were interrupted by Dara’s feline voice ending the prayer.

“Ase”. they all echoed and you tried to catch up with them making your voice last a bit longer and earning you a charming look from Dara. Your heart fluttered at that. 

“The Mother wants us to make an altar for her in the large garden”, Dara whispered. “She has given us a task”. Dara’s eyes glinted as she looked directly at you. “The Mother has a task for you, Ibiene. It is time to prove yourself”.

“Are you ready?”, the other girls whispered in unison. 

“I am”, you managed to say, your heart rate rising as you wondered what cruel thing this beautiful girl would ask her to do. You knew it was going to be cruel because when The Mother asked for something it was never an easy task. 

Dara touched the figurine with her index and ran the finger from her forehead down the bridge of her nose to her chin, the girls did the same thing one by one before Dara took the figurine back into the box and blew out the candle. You stood up first while the other girls talked amongst themselves, you grabbed your bag from under her bed and brought out a crocheted bow. It was pink and blue, flimsy and had a safety pin attached to it so it could be pinned onto something. 

“This..”, you drawled, showing the gift to Dara. “Is for you”. She looked at you and then down into your palm and she smiled. 

“You made this?”.

“Yeah”, you said not wanting to sound like you were running out of air but failing at it. “I made it for you, for letting me join your group and your friends”.

Dara giggled lightly, her big black eyes glimmered in the sunlight and you took in a sharp breath. “Thank you, Ibiene. You are very nice”, she took the crocheted bow from you.“But we”, referring to the girls who were now talking about how someone in class was sleeping through Biology class and the teacher had asked them to stand on the table. “Are not friends, we are sisters, I mean we share a mother and she has allowed us to commune with her”.

You nodded frantically. “You’re right. Sisters. But still. I am very grateful. Last term you really made me feel welcome and it’s a pleasure”. 

“Abegi, it’s in the past,” she said, pinning the bow on her pink gingham shirt. Plus, you have a task to prove your loyalty to The Mother.” Dara’s eyes darkened, and her whole demeanour shifted. 

“Yes, yes, I know”, you replied looking away for a second because the intensity in her eyes was too much. 

“All you do is give Ibiene. I saw you giving Nancy a pen today at assembly, you’re giving me this bow. The Mother wants you to take, Ibiene. It’s time for you to take”.

You were confused as you looked back at her, and she was still looking hauntingly at you. She took your hand and whispered, her voice running up your spine like a chill wind. “It’s time for you to take”.

“What do you want me to take?”. She looked behind you to the girls, they were all looking into a magazine now, distracted. 

“You know at the back of the music lab? There’s a litter of kittens”, your eyes widened. You prayed it was not what you thought it was. “The Mother showed them to me, most of them are dead after yesterday’s rainfall but there’s two more, you have to kill, Ibiene”.

“No”, you whispered. 

Her face pulled into a grimace. “No? It’s the wish of The Mother. Do you not believe in The Mother after all that you’ve seen?”. 

You choked. “I’m sorry”. Her grip on your hands tightened. “You have to kill them, Ibiene and you must do it tonight”. The Angelus bell went off and Amaka stood up instinctively. Dara let you go and as your thoughts plagued you, Amaka whispered the prayer. 

“The Angel of the Lord declared to Mary. And she conceived of the Holy Spirit. Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus”, she paused to catch her breath. “Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen. Behold the handmaid of the Lord: Be it done unto me according to Thy word.”, her voice became a distant noise as you tried to will yourself not to shake. 

The dining hall for senior students was bright with fluorescent lights accentuated by the pink sportswear worn by the girls. Senior dining was always brighter than Junior dining because the seniors wore white day wear which was a long dress usually to their knees but ideally to their shins with the badge of the school printed around it,t while juniors wore a duller beige colour, you sat at a table with four other girls, the plate of bread, eggs and sausages sat idly in front of you. The look of the eggs made your stomach turn especially when your eyes met Dara and she signalled to the matrons who were distracted as a reminder for you to get to it. St. Maria-Gorreti Catholic Academy sat on a one thousand four hundred acre property surrounded by a soccer field, lawn tennis court, a lake with a bridge over it that connected the hostel block and school block and on one side was the big garden which was a large orchard of coconut, oranges and plantain trees that the convent used for food. Senior dining sat on the second floor between the chapel on top and the assembly hall below. If you took the second door closest to the stairwell on the right side of the building, you would come to a narrow stairwell that led to the pathway closest to the music lab. You ran. 

You dropped yourself behind a hedge of hibiscuses as two Reverend Sisters passed, the blue of their habit bright against the dark leaves, and when you didn’t see the blue anymore, you knew they were gone and you stood to your feet and ran to the back of the building that was music lab, craft labs, the science labs; Chemistry, biology and physics and then an abandoned classroom that used to be SS1`D. The back of the building was littered with snack wraps, dried leaves, and a lot of paper and at the far end after walking through the strong smell of decaying wood, you found the litter, more than half of them were dead, and there was one left, a white one, making a wheezing sound, it was laid next to one that was frozen dead. You lifted it in your hands and looked at it and your eyes started to fill with tears. Come on, Ibiene, you willed yourself. Your tears start to pour as you pull the craft knife out of your tights, you hold the kitten in one hand and close your eyes as the knife finds the throat of the kitten. You moved hard and swiftly, and when your eyes opened there was blood and the kitten was dead. You dropped the kitten into a small hole in the ground and covered it, you knelt close to the makeshift grave and cried till the bell for the dining ending went off. You stood up and wiped the sand off your knees, your head beating in your chest, you thought they would explode as you hid the craft knife in your tights again. 

I can’t believe I just did that. I can’t - the feeling of fear, sadness and a sick satisfaction filled you. You wiped your eyes and straightened your shirt before joining the traffic of other students heading to class and prep halls for prep. 

You were almost in class now when Naomi threw her hands around your shoulder, pulling you into a side hug. The sudden nature of the hug startled you, but when you looked up at her familiar light-skinned face, you eased. She was smiling at you in her usual manner. Naomi was the tallest girl in SS2, so she made your five-foot, six-inch frame small. 

“You sure say you dey alright like this?” she said in Nigerian pidgin, which was prohibited from being spoken in school. 

“Yes, yes,” you replied, forcing a smile. She cocked her brow, and her eyes dropped to your hand, you saw her eyes dilate before looking down at where there was blood, and you hid your hand behind you. 

“I fell,” you lied, and she nodded suspiciously before walking away. You turned around and ran to the bathroom to wash the blood away in the sink. As the water from the faucet flowed, you rubbed the blood off, the water made pink, and then you washed your face. The restroom was empty, so you stared at your wet face in the mirror for a few minutes before the sound of the bell broke your trance. You turned off the faucet and ran to class. SS2 B was at the end of the senior class building, it had three mini stairs that led to a herb garden owned by the Agricultural science students, the garden led to the back of the building where there was an array of banana trees, your seat was by the window, and you left the window opened even when bugs flew in because you liked the fresh air. 

“Who has seen my Economics notebook?” one of your classmates, Amaechi, asked, searching her locker. You had the book in your locker, but you were too distracted to call her attention to it. 

“Please,e guys, I need to study it for the test.”,

“If you’re with her book, please give her so we can hear the word.” this was Philomena, her beige beret sat flat on top of her head, her badge in front as it is supposed to be worn as opposed to your badge that was to the back, styling your beret was what it was called when the badge was not in front, her rosary was long and made of big white beads and a gold cross. No one liked her because she was a goody-two-shoes who was trying so hard to be Chapel prefect when hand-over came along. 

“Me”, you finally said. You pulled the book out of your locker, the pink notebook with her name and economics scribbled on the hardcover. “You lent it to me for when I missed class that time.” 

“And you were hearing her shout,” Nneoma said, Philomena’s best friend, but it was difficult to separate the two. 

“That’s not your business,” you snapped back as you stood up to hand over the book to Amaechi. Amaechi smiled as she took it. “Thank you, I forgot that I gave you sef.” 

“No, sorry I didn’t hear you when you asked the first time.” 

You went back to your seat, and just as you sat down, Matron Vera entered, holding a sheet of paper. Your heart dropped. 

“Please don’t tell me she wrote names at rosary,” you whispered to your seatmate, Janet. 

Janet looked at you and nodded. “Did you scamp?”

“Yes, omo”.

“Just tell her you were having cramps, okay”.”

When she called everyone’s name, you and two other girls were left sitting down, so we were asked to come out of the class and follow her. You did, and when you were about to give an excuse, you saw Dara and the other girls leaning against the door of SS2A. Dara signalled for you to come to them, so you did, 

“Kneel,” Matron Vera said. 

“Aunty, we have a test,” someone said. 

“Go and bring you, you’re spending your night prep out here with me,” she said and walked away to the group of SS1 students who were also kneeling for scamping. 

You knelt by the big pillars of the senior building, pushing your shoulder into the beige paint that was stained by many handprints. Dara tapped you once Matron Vera was out of earshot. You knew she was about to ask about the kitten, so you braced yourself for her voice. 

“And?” she said, and when you looked at her, you met three other pairs of eyes looking at you quizzically. 

You nodded. “It’s done”. The other girls sighed except Nancy, who held your eyes for a little longer, something like pity and amusement hidden in her gaze. You looked away from the bald girl and back at Dara, whose Afro was high in a bun. 

“What did you use?” she asked, putting her slender hand on your bare bicep, her long nails biting softly into your arm. The feeling sent chills down your spine, and you had to swallow before you could speak. 

“Paper cutter,” you replied, and she smiled. 

“I knew I liked you, Ibiene.” You liked the sound of her voice when it said your name, like a permissive parent who was letting you make your own decisions and was proud of you. You tried not to think of her as a parent because you wanted to kiss her, too. The feeling of it scared you so much. You looked away, and you saw Nancy still looking at you, this time with a small smile like she could read your mind. Amaka stood up to get another notebook, her white school cardigan, over her sportswear because she did not like to expose her body as it was ungodly. 

“Adeboye!”Matron Vera called. 

“Yes, Ma,” Dara stood up, wiping her knees even if she was kneeling on a notebook and went off to answer her. 

“You like her, don’t you?”.

You looked at Nancy, who had moved closer to you on the pillar. You looked around, and no one was close, Amaka and Lolia were now reading with another group of girls at the end of the hallway. 

“Like who?”. 

“Dara nau”. 

You laughed quietly. “You’re mad”. 

Nancy was so beautiful; you found yourself staring at her almond-shaped brown eyes and her small, plump lips, she pulled them in a pout. 

“It’s okay; I used to be like you. In love with her.” " You looked at Nancy with wide eyes. “Well, in the past, not anymore. She’s full of shit”, Nancy said, and you laughed a little louder now. 

“She’s a bitch”, you said, and Nancy gave you a fist bump. 

“Hey, if you know, she’s a bitch- footsteps of someone running made you both look up, and it was Dara heading back. Nancy moved back to her spot without much effort. 

“Aunty said we can either continue kneeling here for the rest of prep or clear the big garden tomorrow after mass,” Dara said, and two girls stood up to enter back into the class. 

“Me, I'd rather kneel here so I know it’s over,” Lolia replied. 

Dara looked at her and eyed her, looking her up and down very quickly. 

“What?” she squeaked. 

“We are clearing tomorrow,” Dara said, picking up her notebooks and entering her class. Before you knew what was happening, Nancy, Amaka and Lolia had followed her back into their class without objection. Nancy had turned slightly to signal you that that was your cue to go back into your class, too. You stood up and went back to your seat for the rest of the prep. 

You shared a suite with Amanda; she was a neat freak who always had her things sickly arranged. You were not the most organized, but you did your best, so both of you did not have much to argue or talk about. It was the final bell, and Amanda was already fast asleep when you heard a soft knock on your door. When you opened, the sight of the powder blue babydoll dress that matched her bonnet shocked you. 

“Dara?” you said, and she pushed her index against your lips, shushing you. 

“Well? Can I enter?” she whispered. 

“My suitemate-“she interrupted you with a soft sigh and pushed her way through anyway. 

“I can’t sleep," she whispered. “I had a nightmare,” her voice soft and her eyes wet with fear. 

“You want to sleep here?” you were confused. 

She nodded. 

Sharing beds overnight was a big no-no, what if a matron came, you could get expelled, but the thought of sleeping next to her was overwhelming. 

“Don’t be scared; they never do rounds after the first few weeks of term.” Her response calmed you a bit, and the soft breeze blowing from the window made her nightdress flow. 

“So?”

You nodded. “You can, but Amanda wakes up with the first bell, so-“. 

“I’ll be gone before the first bell. I promise”. 

You slid into bed first, and she followed, she was on one end of the bed, and then you were on the other end, but soon her body pressed against mine, and her hands wrapped around me. You were not complaining; you liked the suffocating feeling of her body on me, and it helped you get to sleep faster. 

“Dara,” you whispered. It was Saturday at 6 am. You felt something wet underneath you, you thought you had wet your bed, but this time, it was red. “Dara”. You said again, and she mumbled before turning around. “You need to get up; I stained my bed.” “Oh,” she looked down at the map of red on the blue sheets, and she stood up and watched you as you took the sheets off. You walked to the locker room and dumped everything in the laundry. You tucked it perfectly underneath Amanda’s laundry. You prayed that the laundry lady did not notice and just popped it in the machine. You grabbed clean sheets, and then you slid back into bed. “Was this your first time?”. She asked, looking directly into your eyes. “Yes”. Dara kissed your forehead and then turned around without another word. That day after breakfast, she told you all that you were due for another ritual. One to welcome you into the next stage of womanhood. Your heart dropped as she explained to the others what had happened with your bed, Nancy caught your eyes and smirked. You didn’t know they were telling each other about the fact that you have been sharing the same bed with her for the past week now, and she didn’t talk to you before telling everyone something you found excruciatingly embarrassing. “We all need to sync our periods, and I know the perfect thing: meet in my suite in an hour with sanitary pads.” The door of the suite was locked now, and all the girls sat on the carpet. In the middle of her private suite was a metal bowl plate, it was the former dining hall before the plastic ones were bought, candles she stole from the sacristy and a box of matches. She asked you all to sit cross-legged on the floor and bring out your sanitary pads. Amaka dropped hers, a pink flowery plastic wrapper, Lolia’s was a sickly yellow; Dara’s was blue, and Nancy’s was a slim pink tube; a tampon is what they called it. You dropped yours, a blue one like Dara’s. “No, silly, you need to take off the one you have on now.” “That’s disgusting.” You said. “It’s the only way”. She said, looking at everyone and then at me. Nancy looked at you, with some sort of amusement in her eyes. I closed my eyes and started to walk to the bathroom. “Ibiene, you need to take it off here, in front of all of us, in front of The Mother.” My jaw dropped. But you obeyed. You lifted your daywear to reveal the small black panties you had on, you pulled the sanitary pad off it and looked at the rusty red spread across the white of the pad. Dara lifted her hands out, both coming together to form a cup, and you dropped it in her hands. You were all seated now; she talked to you all in hushed tones about the meaning of a sisterly bond. That was one thing you had in common: you were the only girls in your households. You all had no sisters. Except yourselves.“These mortifications we serve up to The Mother are a way to unite us even more, and we will become so powerful. We will pass all our tests and have glowing skin and bodies like the goddesses”. As she spoke, I did not hear The Mother like I usually did. The voice coming out of her was hers, a nasally, sadistic fifteen-year-old. “Asé”, you all chorused. She lit the candle, poured in the alcohol from a small metal flask and burnt the pads together in the stainless bowl plate. You all took sips from her large bottle of alcoholic wine as we waited for it to burn to ash. When the ashes were ready, she mixed in water and anointed us with the ashes. “This is our own Ash Wednesday, but instead of some white man’s god, we are worshipping our Mother.”