The last time I confessed my feelings to any man was in 2017.

At sixteen, I thought I was ripe and good enough for my first relationship. It didn't matter what my parents thought. I was now a lady with grown up feelings, or maybe it was the budding bosoms I just developed - but something made me feel old.

That was why I made the foolish mistake of sending Olu a message. He was in SS3, the head boy of the school with a penchant for getting straight A's.

Just my kind of person, I always told myself when he walked by. Whether or not he knew I existed, he was to become mine that day.

March 12th, 2017. If you ask me why I chose my mother's birthday to ask out the boy I liked, I wouldn't know. All I know, and remember, was that it was a sunny day.

Rain had just fallen the night before, leaving the earthy smells of sand and unearthed worms. But the sun shone that morning, so I interpreted it as good tidings.

What a foolish mistake!

I remember how I snuck into my brother's room and stole his perfume. It was something that made me feel closer to Olu and, I didn't want to be stinking as I poured out my love for a boy who was two years older than me.

Yes, I had done my findings first. I was foolish then, but not a hundred percent.

As I trekked to school that morning, my heart pounded with the weight of the bag on my back. The two page love letter I had written for Olu lay safely inside, the scent of love cascading from the ink.

My poem, or should I call it love confessions, played in my head and before I reached school, I contemplated throwing the paper away many times.

"What if he doesn't want me?"

"What if he laughs and shows his friends?"

"What if he has a girlfriend?"

For some weird reason, all that didn't bother me too much. After all, what was the worst that could happen?

Oh boy, was I about to find out.

Throughout the first two periods, I could barely concentrate. The boy of my dreams was one class away from me, and all it would take was just to get the package out of my bag and give it to him. Yet, my hands shook.

Sweat dripped from my forehead so much that my best friend had to ask what the issue was. But how could I confide in her and expose my plans? She had already warned me to steer clear from Olu.

"He's not all that. Stop this obsession you have with him."

At the time, I thought she was being jealous and petty.

Was it an obsession because I wanted to smell him all the time?

Was it more than love when I climbed the walls of his house just to get a glimpse of him?

Did my admiration for him seem dangerous because there was a cut out picture of him in my bag?

Never mind the fact that I attached it to a cut out version of mine and added a lovely emoji?

Now, I know it was a disease but at sixteen, all I wanted was to be loved back.

Well, I finally got the chance to make the greatest mistake of my life.

Feeling bold, I snuck out of class to see him during break time. Up till now, I can still remember the look of surprise and mild curiosity he gave me as I approached him with a wide smile.

"Hello," I murmured quietly, while my heart thumped loudly in my chest. Gosh, I was bursting with love for him (or so I thought).

He responded back and started to say something about how I smelled nice. That was his mistake, not mine. So what if I was planning to give him the letter either way?

Why would he compliment me like that, with such a huge smile on his face? Of course, the younger me felt encouraged so I zipped open my bag and handed over the goods.

If you're reading this, then know that it wasn't only the letter I wrote. Not at all!

The silly, lovestruck me also composed a song and put it into DVD.

(I was so creative back in the day).

Remember the cutout picture I had of us in my bag? I gave him a photocopied version of it. The original would forever be with me.

Immediately I thrust them into his hands, his facial expression changed but I was too gobsmacked and blinded by puppy love to see that his face had turned white.

Instead, I ran away and went through the rest of the day priding myself on being bold and courageous.

"Love isn't for the weak," I mused as I went home that day, expecting his reply.

But throughout the next day, nothing came. Not a word from him, not even a greeting. It was like he was too shocked to process what I did for him. But the foolish me interpreted it as a sign of requited love.

Maybe he was just scared but didn't know how to express it. Maybe he didn't want to seem too desperate.

That thought evaporated by the third day.

He still wasn't talking to me, and in fact, it seemed like he was avoiding me instead. By the fourth day, his friends started to laugh when I walked past.

Do you know the sad feelings that comes with SS3 boys laughing at an SS2 girl? It was humiliating, but I swallowed my pride and held onto the hope that Olu would come back to me.

Oh, what a mistake.

My day of reckoning came a week later. Before I left home for school that morning, I said a quick prayer for my love to find his way back to me.

It was either my request was misunderstood or there was another definition of love I knew nothing about. By the time I got to school, the assembly was halfway over so I joined in and tried to stand quietly.

Until someone called my name. The principal.

The way everyone cleared a straight path to the assembly podium was amazing, but the details after that are blurry.

All I remember is the principal saying something about me violating a fellow student, scaring him and putting him into trouble. The next thing I felt after that was a sharp pain in my back.

Over the next five minutes, I was flogged for disturbing the peace of the school, violating a prefect's mind and being disrespectful.

All because I decided to show my love.

Thankfully, my parents withdrew me from that school, but not without some canings from them as well.

Safe to say, that I never asked a boy out nor dated one till 2019. But that is a story for another day.