Ah, Lagos in December! If you thought the rest of the year was a chaotic ballet of human endurance, then you, my friend, have not witnessed "Detty December." This isn't just a season; it's a full-blown, no-holds-barred, cultural festival where everyone from your local barber to international celebrities decides to party until the sun thinks about coming back up. 

Let's dive into this madness, shall we? 

A Tale of Two Cities (or One Very Confused Megacity)

Lagos during "Detty December" is like a peacock on steroids. The city, known for its hustle, transforms into a vibrant, pulsating hub of entertainment, culture, and, let's be honest, some serious traffic jams. Here, the nights are not just young; they're practically in diapers, with parties that start at dusk and end when the morning commute begins. 

Èkó as it's fondly called, the centre of excellence 

Quote of the Festivities:

As 

@roy_ige

 once tweeted, "Lagosians spent over N3.3 trillion on Detty December celebrations alone." Now, isn't that just a testament to our commitment to fun, or perhaps our aversion to sleep? 

I think that X uses didn't get the figures right though. Could have been more if the statistics takes into consideration the unregistered business, prostitution markets now known as OS, the beer parlor joints 

The Splendor of Lagos: Beauty in Chaos

Lagos is not just a city; it's a living, breathing art installation where every street corner could be the next Instagram hotspot. From the serene waters of Tarkwa Bay to the bustling markets of Balogun, beef Lagos at your own peril. Lagos is a mosaic of experiences:

Cultural Showcases: Here, tradition doesn't just meet modernity; it throws a party with it. You can dance to the rhythms of fuji one moment and then find yourself in a high-end art gallery the next, admiring works that speak to both the soul and the wallet.

Little wonder how Wizkid and Paso shared the same stage at the Lagos Fest.

Nightlife: The nightlife in Lagos during Detty December is an epic tale of endurance and celebration. Clubs like Quilox and Hard Rock Cafe are not just venues; they're institutions where the DJ is king, the dance floor is sacred, and your bank account is the martyr. I call them the sin city. 

Culinary Adventures: From street food that'll make your taste buds write poetry to upscale restaurants where the plates are almost too beautiful to eat from, Lagos is a gastronomic journey. Imagine sinking your teeth into Suya while watching the sunset over the Lagos. Maybe some things are over priced for a broke writer. 

Tell me why I spent forty eight thousand naira for food only at an open beach party in Lagos. 

 Lagoon; it's poetry in motion.

The Humor of Detty December

Now, let's sprinkle some sarcasm on this cultural feast:

Traffic Jams: They say love is in the air in December. In Lagos, it's more like exhaust fumes and the honks of impatient drivers. The traffic during Detty December turns the city into one giant parking lot, where every vehicle is merely dreaming of movement.

My girlfriend got to Lagos from Ibadan, Oyo state faster than I could pick her in the same Lagos. Lagos traffic was like the standstill in Mumbai, India.

The IJGBs: "I Just Got Back" folks descend upon Lagos like locusts, but with better fashion sense and a penchant for throwing money around like confetti. They come to relive their youth, complain about the heat, and then post about it on social media with captions like, "Can’t believe this is Lagos!"

Dey play, Lagos like Peckham, Uk or like Albany, New York.

The Fashion: If you thought peacocks were showy, you've never seen a Lagosian during Detty December. The fashion is so loud, it could wake the dead and make them want to join the party.

The Ironic Idyll: What Needs Fixing

For all its glitter, Lagos has its shadows:

Infrastructure: The roads are like a metaphor for life in Lagos - full of potholes you weren't expecting. Except for the public transport system, which is more of a public savior away from scary agbero and bribe requesting police officers you have to deal with.

Security: Let's just say, if you're wearing all your valuables, you're either very brave or very new to Lagos. I lost my phone in Lagos. 

Environmental Concerns: The beaches are beautiful, but the water? Let's just say it's a cocktail of colors nature never intended.

The Government's Gaze

From the government's perspective, Detty December is both a blessing and a curse:

Economic Boost: They see dollar signs in the eyes of every IJGB and foreign tourist. It's like Christmas for the economy, but without the need for Santa. You noticed how dollar to naira fell from 1700 plus to 1300 during December. The IJGBs brought their dollars home, naira request went up.

Infrastructure Strain: However, the influx of people does highlight the city's creaking infrastructure. The government's response? More promises than actual potholes filled, but hey, optimism is in short supply here.

The Citizen's Symphony

For residents:

Pride and Frustration: There's a fierce pride in being part of the madness that is Lagos during December. Yet, there's also that moment every year when they wonder if moving to the moon would be less chaotic.

Survivor's Tale: Every Lagosian has a war story from Detty December - be it surviving a 5-hour journey to attend a 2-hour concert or navigating through the sea of people with the finesse of a seasoned sailor.

The IJGB Narrative

For those "I Just Got Back":

A Love-Hate Relationship: They love the energy, the culture, the food, but oh, how they hate the traffic, the mosquitoes, and the realization that maybe, just maybe, life in Lagos isn't for the faint-hearted.

Cultural Reconnection: It's a time to reconnect with roots, family, and friends, often while posting on social media to prove to those back home that they're living their best life.

Let's not forget the nightlife industry, which is the real MVP of Detty December:

Events: From Flytime Fest to intimate beach raves, the events in Lagos are not just parties; they're cultural phenomena. They're where you see stars like Davido and Wizkid, not just perform but become part of the city's heartbeat.

Local Talent: This is the time for local DJs, bands, and artists to shine, to show the world that Lagos is not just a place to visit but a place where culture is alive and thriving.

Economic Opportunities: Every hotel, bar, and street vendor benefits from this seasonal influx. It's capitalism at its most festive, where everyone's trying to sell you something, from a bottle of water to a lifetime experience.

In closing, "Detty December" in Lagos is not just about the dirtiness of the city (both literal and metaphorical), but it's a celebration of life, resilience, and the undying spirit of Lagosians. It's where the world comes to see Nigeria's heartbeat, to dance to its rhythm, and to leave with stories of a city that's as beautiful as it is bewildering.

Cheers to another year of "Detty December" - may your parties be long, your traffic jams short, and your memories unforgettable.