Dear reader,

This is not how I planned our first date to be. When I created this account, I never imagined that the first thing I would think of sharing with you is how I fought back hot sad tears while people erupted in joy as the clock struck twelve.

The first day of the year is one where we are to put all the disappointment and struggles on the back burner and rejoice. This year, I struggled to do that. This was mostly because I had put them on the back burner for the majority of the last part of the year. Last year December was a month of realization that I had few things to show for the year. The year was financially and mentally draining. Yet, I felt no relief as it ticked its final seconds.

I remember looking around with a tight smile as people screamed with joy for the new year, distributing brief handshakes and hugs with so much enthusiasm. At that moment, I genuinely wished I could be one of them. I wanted so desperately to forget all the disappointments of the past year and leap into the air with vigor to start the year. Yet, I couldn't bring myself to pretend. Thus, the first wave of tears.

Dear reader, I can't bring myself yet to share the reasons for this not encouraged beginning of a new year (mostly because I'm still confused about how it all turned out). However, I'm sharing how I felt because it is a novel experience. The sadness usually takes an hour or two before it kicks in. Another novel thing is, this year is one where I have no definite path in front but I'll surpass expectations. That's why I'm starting the year by documenting the feelings it brings me.

If you're reading this, I hope your year didn't start in any way that remotely resembles this. If it did, I'm sending you big hugs. If it didn't, I'm so happy for you.

I look forward to sharing happy feelings with you.