“Get off me,” I said, my voice hardening.

He froze on top of me, embarrassment clouding his face.

“No, I promise it doesn’t usually act like that,” he pleaded, his hands moving to his dick, pumping frantically. “I promise, just… just give it a minute, just give it a minute.” He brought his lips to my neck in a desperate attempt to revive himself.

I was already over it. I just didn’t think he was. I was going to tell him that, but I didn’t have time for this.

"Just give me a minute," my inner voice mocked. Did he think this was fun for me? Lying here naked with a man with a flaccid penis? Someone who, by his own admission, could get hard just from hugging me? And yet, here we are.

You expect me to be okay with this? You expect me to not take it personally? What do you think that did to me? What do you think that would do to you?

But no. I wasn’t going to give him that satisfaction. Never.

I looked up, a fake smile plastered on my face—the kind that says, What the fuck are you looking so sad about? “Please, can you get off me?”

Reaching my hands out, letting my breasts bob down, I grabbed his shoulder. I was starting to get uncomfortable. We were lying on the couch, and it wasn’t exactly plush. I needed to get up.

Breathe, I told myself, as I firmly but gently lifted him off me.

I unfolded my legs as I stood from the couch, my arms instinctively moving to cup my breasts.

“It’s time for you to leave,” I said, bending down to pick up his pants. I handed them to him and ushered him toward the door. “I have things to do,” I lied. Or did I?

I needed to process what had just happened—or at least handle it the only way I knew how.

“Wait…” he said, bending to pull his pants over his legs.

The motherfucker hadn’t even worn boxers, and yet he couldn’t get it hard. That was insane. Sad, even.

“Wait, what?” I chuckled, the sound sharp and mocking.

“You think I’m going to do this with you again?” I laughed harder this time, watching him deflate before my eyes.

I said nothing else as I handed him his shirt and steered him toward the door.

I stood there naked, unbothered by it. Why would I cover myself in front of someone who didn’t want it?

Not everyone will want you, and that’s fine, I told myself, a poor attempt at calming the storm in my chest.

It was already getting late. I needed to get him out of here. What the fuck should I do? I thought to myself.

“I think… we need to try again,” he said, his voice weak, like a scrawny kid trying to stand up to a bully.

Laughter erupted in my head. I wasn’t even upset anymore. The situation had crossed the line into absurdity—funny and annoying all at once.

“You think we need to talk about it?”

“Talk about what?” I asked, a jab at him. “That you didn’t get hard for me? Or what? What happened, happened. Deal with it and move on. I’m not doing this again.”

The venom in my voice surprised me. It wasn’t his fault, not really. But it wasn’t mine, either.

“You’re only acting this way because you haven’t processed your emotions,” I told myself, but the thought felt heavy when I looked up and saw his face.

I didn’t take back my words, but the next ones came softer, kinder.

“I understand where you’re coming from, but, like I said, what happened has happened.” My tone was cautious now. “I’m not even trying to be mean; I’m just stating the obvious.”

“But… the thing is, I don’t want things to be awkward between us,” he said.

“Of course things will be awkward,” I replied. “Do you not realize what just happened? I’m not going to sweep this under the rug and try again.”

Things would be awkward for a while. That much was true. But eventually, we’d fall back into the lull of friendship. Because I was never doing this with him again.

“And that’s okay,” I said, more to myself than to him.

“Okay,” he said. “Okay,” he repeated, louder this time.

He opened his arms for a hug. For some reason I didn’t understand, I stepped into it, my arms firmly pressed against my breasts.

“You won’t hug me properly?” he asked, trying to coax me into dropping my hands.

“No,” I said flatly, stepping away abruptly.

“Okay, you need to go,” I said, bending down to throw a shirt over my head.

“Are you going to be okay?” he asked, standing on the threshold of my door.

“Of course,” I laughed. “I just need a bath.”

“Okay… bye,” he said quietly, weak, broken.

Good. I’m not the only one this is affecting, a voice in my head whispered.

I felt a bit of the weight lift off my shoulders as I clicked the latch of the door behind him, locking myself in.

I stood there for a moment, staring into space.

I needed to take a shower.

Already naked, I stepped into the tub.

“This is insane. I’m too old to be acting like this,” I said out loud, scooping water into a green bowl.

“This is the first time this has happened to me. Ever,” I said, pouring the water against my chest.

Splash.

“I can’t pretend this doesn’t bother me,” I said again, louder.

I was angry and upset, but I had to admit—nothing could be done. No one was at fault. My emotions were valid, but I had a choice: dwell in them or move on.

I chose the latter.

“It’s not fair that I had to act that way, though,” I muttered, scrubbing my skin with a sponge. The little green bowl floated in the bucket beneath me, forgotten—for now.

It happened. Now I had to deal with it.

I bent down, grabbing the bowl and scooping up water again.

Splash.

I can’t control people’s reactions toward me.

Splash.

People are out of my control, and dwelling on their actions only hurts me.

Splash.

Life happens, and Murphy’s Law is always in play.

Splash.

Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

Splash.

And that’s out of my control.

Taking a deep breath, I stepped out of the tub and stood in the middle of my bathroom. Stretching, I breathed in deeply.

I caught my reflection in the mirror. My naked body stared back at me. I gave myself a small smile, locking eyes with my reflection.

I reached for the towel on the hook and wrapped it around myself, covering myself in warmth and acceptance.

I wiped away my worries with the water still damp on my skin.

I was right.

I just needed a bath.