It was a mansion with many rooms, many different rooms, but for some reason, eighty percent of the space felt like twisted wires. Attempting to untangle the bunch was proving more difficult than I had imagined, so I decided to savour the good part first.

Walking along the huge hallway, I was very impressed with the plethora of fantastic ideas and big dreams that laced its path. I quickly jumped into one room and began to plot graphs and charts on how to make the goodness of these dreams come alive. Being the meticulous planner that I had grown to become, I put my mind to work dancing around pros and cons and possible best angles to achieve them. A few things were missing though—I wasn’t convinced enough to pull through with the beautiful plans I had made. They seemed bogus and minute at the same time. Suddenly, I saw a bunch of floating question marks from my blind spot. I blinked my eyes several times to push them away; instead, they morphed into a mix-shaped orchestra, swaying from left to right with a timed pattern. I was getting more confused.

Looking at my plan again, I tried to figure out where gaps might exist, but I was drawing blanks. I took two deep breaths and decided to try another room. This space was painted in a warm blue and looked less chaotic. Not like my last try was filled with chaos, but trying to figure things out made it a headache. I was positive that this new space would bear good fruit. I sat on the short chair and carefully unpacked the contents of a medium-sized box in the corner of the room. The ideas felt like an easy fix, so in my excitement I got to work. A quarter way through, I realised that some pieces were missing, and I didn’t even have the right tools just yet to handle it—pheww, another fruitless journey.

I promised myself that my next try would be better. I would look closely at the room from its entrance, not be swayed by the colour or warmth, but observing unique features that might give off a clue. Or maybe not. Maybe the less beautiful rooms were intentionally designed to make me avoid them and were actually easy on the inside. I scratched my scalp in search of some inspiration to guide my decision without much luck, so I went ahead with my gut feeling.

Strings of cobwebs greet me as I open the door. I turned around to make an exit, but a shiny ball in a corner of the room caught my attention. Amid my sighs, I used my fingers to make a path for myself in the dark and stuffy room. Soon I started to sneeze repeatedly; I was not backing down now—my resolve was unwavering, and true to time, I got to the shiny object. I heaved what was a sigh of relief, contentment, and pride. I wanted to smile but was only able to produce a crooked one from my dust-filled face.

Disillusioned is how I felt when I opened the oval-shaped shiny object only to find a few no-longer-in-use coins. I kicked against the washed concrete wall, and a heap of chipped cement fell on my legs. I tried hard to fight back the tears, but they had already lined my lashes. I mustered some courage and ran out of the dirty room, then collapsed against the wall of the hallway.

I felt confused, bitter, and defeated. It seemed like everywhere I turned there was a roadblock. How was I going to move forward with the predicament before me? Even with all the resources at my disposal, I was stuck. Stuck in my thoughts, stuck with my dreams, stuck on my strategies, and obviously stuck in the mud of stagnation. I was just going to lie here and do nothing because it was now evident that that move was better than trying.

As I turned to gain balance, I spotted the pile of twisted wires that I avoided from the beginning. Maybe if I took my time to untangle them piece by piece, I would see the diamond in the rough. Inching towards the pile, the voices of the devil and the angel began to do their thing. While the angel urged me to try unravelling the mystery behind the rubble, the devil reminded me of the last room I entered and how the dirt might not bring forth goodness. Amid the back and forth, I braced myself to spend the next hours untangling these strings.

It was now five hours, and I had not moved the needle much, but I sat sweating profusely and was about to give up on this tedious task that I was putting myself through. Sometimes it is not how difficult a task is that determines its viability. I was going to do another two hours, and if there was no headway, I would abandon it and simply allow nature to take its cause.

Nature has a not too nice way of bringing even the best planners to their knees so what makes me think I am above natural principles. This sounds like accepting defeat, but I refuse to contend with the powers that govern the cosmos. Give me that which thy will but I only plead for the courage and strength to handle what life deals.

Non-accomplishment was not something I was not used to dealing with, so this tour of the mansion with many rooms had its toll on me. I felt like a failure who could not even achieve bare minimum success despite having a handful of resources. I knew I had to make up for the time somehow, but I wasn’t sure how to since I now doubted all the knowledge I garnered over time.

What do I do when I have so much potential but can’t get anywhere because of the daily rollercoaster in my mind? It’s almost always a battle to get to the bottom of an idea with twisted wires, dark, dirty rooms, deceptive warm rooms, and all. How do I get to fill the blank pages of my life when my mind sets me back a million times in trying to determine the best causes of action? Who holds the manual of do's and do not’s so that, like a hard drive, I can plug it into my mind's port and actions begin to run on autopilot without me having to deal with the rubble?

The mind is the most powerful tool, they say, but it gets subdued when trained. Mine seems like it’s going to mar not make me. Much as I am faced with this reality, I wish to change the tide, holding my mind accountable for my every action and decision. Throwing a bit of caution to the wind and trapping them back in a bottle to curtail its reach. That is exactly how I will thrive amid the turbulence, getting my life back and filling those pages.