I am working on my heart...

A family friend - let’s call her F, and I had a conflict. Anger barged into the conference room. I let Anger stay because I felt I would have done better/differently for this person if roles were reversed.

The night before, I called my mother to air my grievances. The thing about anger is that she’s desperate for company. Anger is lonely. She wants to be seen and validated. In short, Anger is a ‘notice me’. My mother agreed that my disappointment was valid. I told her what my decision was, and she backed me up. It was a simple way forward: not to aggravate the situation, but to affirm my stance and make my displeasure known. All was well, until tomorrow.

Tomorrow came. F’s mother reached out to soothe me and instructed F to call me to settle the issue. F tried calling me, but I declined the calls.

At the time F was calling, I was genuinely occupied; but if I am being truthful, I was not too busy to pick up those calls. You see, Anger was born with damage to her frontal lobe. This damage manifests as symptoms such as impaired judgment and the inability to solve problems. Anger lacks social understanding and finds it difficult to control her impulses. The list goes on, and on.

In addition to not picking up F’s calls, I eventually directed my frustration toward her mother, who was only trying to resolve the issue. Have I mentioned that Anger is a busybody? Anger cannot sit still. Word of advice: DO NOT SEND ANGER ON DISPATCH ERRANDS. If you do, she’ll probably crash the delivery truck into the receiver’s building, and this affects the whole neighborhood. Not just the receiver. Anger is a terrible driver, and I blame her bad eyesight. I think Anger is blind.

Oh! I almost forgot to mention: if Anger is your messenger, you’ll be held liable for any damage she causes.

News of my irrational outburst reached my mother very quickly, and she called to scold us: Anger and I. Everythi- Wait a minute... Where is- Where did she go to? Can you imagine that Anger was nowhere to be found when my mother was about to scold us??

Ughhhhh!!! This is what annoys me the most about Anger. She’ll make a mess and leave you to clean it up. You’ll have no choice but to face the blame... ALONE! After all, you’re her superior and it’s your responsibility to keep her in check.

Here’s the thing: Nobody can handle Anger without the help of the Holy Spirit. Not you, not I, not anyone. Whatever wisdom or strength, independent of the Holy Spirit, will fail. I promise. You have to submit yourself to the ways of the Holy Spirit. You just have to yield, continually. You may find that Anger still plays her tricks from time to time, but do not worry. It’s not a day’s work.

Continue to submit. Yield. Surrender. Give in. Resign yourself to the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

Continue to abide. Stay. Remain. Tarry. Commit to the ways of God’s Spirit.

At the end of the day, I apologized to my mum, F’s mum, and F for letting Anger stay in the conference room. For letting Anger escalate the situation. Isn’t it funny? how easy it is for the offended to become the offender.

…the Holy Spirit is working on my heart. 

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God 

- James 1:19-20

Image used for Story Cover : Bonfire in Green Field During Night Time by Barna Kovács on Unsplash