book-cover
Confessions of a retired Lagos baddie
Amarachiezule
Amarachiezule
a month ago

Obianuju or Uju as her friends called her was a confirmed fine girl. She had pretty brown eyes, sensual full lips, a button nose and the most stubborn afro ever. She was slim but curvy in the right places. She used to be the cynosure of all eyes, commanding attention as she walked into the room. She attracted gazes from men and women alike. Her long bone straight her, her face fully made up and she was decked in affordable but fashion-forward clothing.


One of these days, she met Jimmy who she thought was the love of her life, the yin to her yang. She had just gotten admission into the University of Lagos and was on her way to screening when a sleek red car stopped her in her tracks. She rolled her eyes and kept it moving. See this one o! So because this guy had seen small money she wouldn't go where she was going again? Hian!


She kept it moving but she heard a deep voice call out Hello. She turned back and saw a tall, dark, handsome man who reeked of perfection. She was stunned but she masked it with a scowl. "Yes?" She said sounding irritated.

"It's so hot and I was hoping that I could drop you off wherever you're going…" He offered with a small smile.


She cocked her head to the side and appraised him and then said."No. I'll be fine but thanks anyway."

She walked away hurriedly. She was late and didn't want to miss the screening, fine man or not.


Sometime after, she heard another horn and she said to herself this man is persistent. He stopped in front of her and then rolled down his window.


"You're way too beautiful to be sweating under this hot sun. Let me drop you off…please?" He asked again.


She looked at him and then got in the car. The first thing that hit her was the chill of the air conditioner. She got in and used her seat belt.

He asked her where she was going and she told him.


"I'm Jimmy Williams, I'm a lawyer. Are you a student and what are you studying?" He asked.


Lawyer huh? Those proud people! They think they're all that. Yeah right. 'I'm Uju and I'm a Mass Comm student."


"Hmmm, Mass Comm?" She liked the way words rolled off his tongue. "That's cool. So you'd like to be a journalist?"


Uju chuckled. "Na. I'm an influencer. I'm studying Mass communication to better reach my audience. Journalist ke? That's very serious."


He smiled at her. "Influencer hmm? So you're an Ig baddie?"


"Well…I guess you can call it that. Being an influencer is so much more than being a baddie, it involves having the right aesthetic and content creation. It's a whole lot of work. Being a baddie is just one part of it." They had gotten to her stop. "That's it, that building over there."


He nodded and pulled over. "I like that you're smart and articulate. Is it okay if I get your number?" She hesitated."I mean you don't have to but I would like to continue this conversation later, maybe over dinner?"


"OK then." He gave her his phone and she typed her number. "Thank you for the ride." She opened the door and came down.


And that was the beginning of a tumultuous four-year relationship. Jimmy was sweet and maybe he genuinely loved her but when he was angry, he would say the most hurtful things. He would call her names and tell her that he made her who she was and could easily tear her down. She lived in constant fear of that.


One day, she was in her room and her friend Adaeze shrieked suddenly. Uju looked at her like she was crazy.

"What is it?" She asked visibly annoyed.

"It's Jimmy. He just got married. See his wedding pictures. " Uju's heart stopped in its tracks as she looked at her friend's phone. Her eyes clouded with tears. She went from a range of emotions: anger, denial, disbelief, hurt, grief and just plain old sadness. It seemed like her world had come crashing down. She loved this man, he wasn't perfect but it was Jimmy, her Jimmy, the love of her life and now somebody else's husband.


Six months later, Uju had gotten back to her bubbly self and was even meeting new people. She had grieved and sulked. She learnt to be strong. It was an emotional wound, it wasn't physical, so on the outside, it seemed like she was fine but she was just going through the motions of life. She felt like a zombie. She couldn't bear to think about what had happened. It caused too much pain. She would cry herself to sleep and refuse to eat anything.

It wasn't easy but her friends enveloped her in the warmth of their love. She felt so loved and cherished.


When she initially found out she cried and isolated herself from everyone. She lost her zest for life. Adaeze had dragged her to therapy because she had had enough of her moping around their apartment.

The therapist taught her to take one day at a time, he helped her learn to breathe and soon after she found that she was laughing again and this time the laughter reached her eyes. She had to learn how to take care of herself and how to love herself in her truest form, giving herself a pat on the shoulder. It was rough for her but she had to heal for herself. She realised during this process that what she had with Jimmy was toxic and was slowly tearing down her confidence, she realised that when she was with Jimmy she wasn't ever truly happy. She was in a bubble that was waiting to burst and his marriage was just the right push.


It took months of getting up every day and refusing to stalk Jimmy's new wife's Instagram, blocking him everywhere and staying away from booze to get to where she currently was and she was proud of her progress.


Her friends constantly reminded her of who she was and now all was well with the world.


Her friend Jadesola who was a tech sis, often said that Uju was too much of a babe to stay down and besides they had an empire to build. Uju was a boss babe in her own right. After her degree, she became a travel vlogger and got brand deals that involved travelling to new places. Her audience was fiercely loyal and always supported whatever she was affiliated with. Now, she did more lifestyle vlogs and less travel because she wanted to be more stable.


It was a Saturday morning and Adaeze and Uju were watching a new show eagerly. They both loved watching adventure-themed shows so they were stuffing their mouths with some microwaved caramel popcorn and a can of juice while attentively watching the show. Suddenly, Uju heard her phone ring and Adaeze hissed.


"Madam go and pick your call outside." She said without taking her eyes away from the screen. Uju rolled her eyes and wondered who was calling her at this time.


"Yes? Hello?" She said with irritation seeping from her voice.


"Obianuju?" She stopped breathing for a minute or two. The nerve! This idiot was calling her when she had finally picked up herself and healed. She immediately ended the call and hissed.


She went back to the sitting room and continued watching the show. Her phone rang again and she picked up furiously.


"If you call this number again ehn…" Adaeze looked at her wondering what was wrong.


"Obianuju, Kedu(How are you)?"She heard her Mom sounding worried.


"Nma? Biko eweliwe (Mummy, Please don't be offended). I thought it was someone else." She sighed softly. This one that her Mum was calling her, it was probably to ask when she was getting married.


"Nwam, Oru o na ga?(My Child, How is work?)" Her Mom asked cheerfully.


"Ihe niile na ga iru. (Everything is going well.)" She smiled softly


"Obianuju Adaobi Ikemfuna. O gini?(What is the problem?)" Her Mom took a deep breath."What is going on? Jimmy or whatever you call his name has moved on. Why haven't you?"Naya sighed and prayed in her mind that this cup should pass over her this Saturday morning, because in the words of Omawunmi, if you ask me, na who I go ask? Her mom continued, oblivious to her feelings.

"I have some news. Do you remember Nonso?"


The name rang a bell. Nonso? Wait. Nonso was her elder brother's friend. When she was younger, she had a crush on him but she felt like there was nothing there. At that time, he was very attractive but she wondered what he would like now. "I remember him. What happened to him?"


"He just came into Lagos from Canada and his Mum is having a party for him this evening. She said I should personally invite you. Please tell me you will come."


Uju could smell a rat. Her Mom and Aunty Beatrice had been childhood friends and had even gone to the same secondary school- Queens College Enugu. Nonso was the middle son. There was Chukwuemeka, Chinonso, and then Chinedum. Her Mom and Aunty Beatrice were probably trying to cook up something but she was super curious and was willing to meet Nonso. It had been a long time and it would be nice to see him, schemes or not. She heard from her brother, Ugo that Nonso had travelled to Canada for his master's degree in Mechanical Engineering. She was curious to know why he was back, after all his parents were well off and he had forged his path in His field. Besides, wasn't everyone japa-ing?


"Nma, I'll go."She answered.


"Adanganga!"Her Mom exclaimed."I have to go, oh. Have a good day. Oh! I'll send you the details on WhatsApp now."


"Nma, send my love to Daddy o. Ngwa bye." She said and then ended the call.


Adaeze looked at her with a look that screamed spill the gist. She looked up and noticed that the show that they were watching was paused.


Adaeze nudged her gently. " Oya now, give me gist." This babe and asiri (gossip) ehn!


She told her about Jimmy's call.


"Wait, wait! You mean that married fool called you? For what? Give me the number that he called you with." Adaeze was furious.


"For what? So you can call him and scream?" She looked at Adaeze and then said."Besides, I have better news." She then told her about Nonso's party.


" We'll still address this Jimmy's issue o. I hope you're not contemplating starting anything with him. I want you to block that number right now. Because you and I know that this guy has your mumu button." Uju looked at Adaeze contemplating what she just said and then got out her phone and looked for the offending number, blocked it and shoved the phone in Ada's face. "Now that that is done and over with, let's look for a dress for you for tonight!"


Shopping with Adaeze was anything but seamless, they had gone to three boutiques in Lekki but Adaeze wasn't convinced that they had found THE DRESS. They were at the final boutique and Uju's eyes lit up as she saw what she considered to be the dress. It was a dark red dress that was ruched at the chest area (which would do wonders for her chest). The fabric felt super and she couldn't wait to try it on. It all went with her aesthetic and she couldn't wait to match it with her red bottoms a new auburn wig and some beautiful silver accessories. She already saw the vision of the look in her head She called out to Adaeze who saw the dress and honestly for the life of her, she couldn't read Ada's expression.


"Try it on. Let's see." Adaeze gave her back the dress and she went into the changing room and then tried it on. It fits like a glove! She admired herself in the mirror and almost burst into tears. Her time at the gym had paid off! Hello, curves! What!


She walked out of the changing room and she saw a glint of excitement in Ada's eyes.

"Aha! You look gorgeous!" She said gleefully. "Remember less is more so we might not need so much jewellery. Maybe that bracelet and those silver earrings from your Mum. Hair up and light make-up."


Uju did a little dance because they finally had the dress. They both laughed and then they went on to pay for the dress. They had brunch at The Rooftop, a restaurant that they both loved, not too far from the boutique. The Rooftop had a beautiful view of Lagos and had excellent seafood pasta. It was one of their favourite meals at the restaurant.

They had some seafood pasta and some red wine. It was a celebratory brunch. They toasted to good memories; out with old, in with the new!"


After brunch, they went to Adaeze's salon on Victoria Island so that Uju could do her hair. Adaeze had named her salon Desiree which was her middle name. Desiree was a contemporary state-of-the-art salon in the heart of Victoria Island. Each time Uju went there she felt like she was in the lap of luxury.

Adaeze's parents were wealthy and her father, who was a politician sponsored her dream to own a salon. Adaeze met Uju on her trip back from Turkey while she was still dating Jimmy at the university. At the time, Adaeze was done with her bachelor's degree and was just travelling and exploring the world. She wasn't sure what she wanted to do yet, so on that trip, they hit off and had long conversations about their dreams. They exchanged numbers and when Uju graduated from Unilag, they decided to be roommates. The arrangement was that they shared the bills since Ada's Dad bought the house in Ada's name.


At the salon, Uju also changed her acrylic nails, they looked a little crusty and she used the opportunity to do a pedicure. After all, why not? By the time she was done at the salon, she felt brand new. She left Adaeze because Adaeze had to work. Uju quickly got back to their apartment, did her make-up, got into the dress and put on her painful beautiful red bottoms. It was worth the pain. She put on the silver earrings that Mom had gotten for her and a bracelet she bought for herself on one of her trips.


She drove to the location that her Mum had sent her. It was a hotel, it appeared that they had perhaps paid for the event hall. Nawa o! She parked her car and made her way to the foyer. She asked the receptionist for the way to the hall and was guided there. She calmly walked in and noticed that there was only one person in the entire hall. Was she early? Was it the wrong hall. She was about to leave when she heard a voice. She stopped and then looked again. There was only one ta

ble and there were petals everywhere. A man in a suit beckoned to her and she realized that it must be Nonso.





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