Nothing ever really prepares you for the sound of your heart breaking all over again at 1am because of something you never saw coming. You'll promise yourself that it's okay, but it never really leaves your chest.

You'll never really be able to say it either, because somehow you blame yourself.

You saw it coming baby, you knew. You let this happen to you.

It's like living through your biggest fears the second time.

Funny how the first strikes always came in December. Just in time for the sour agbalumo to slap your cheeks as their words deliver blows to your heart.

You hate how afraid you were. You hate how much regret fills your eyes now, I'm afraid even the tears can't wash them away. For everytime you made an excuse, for everytime you lied to yourself, for everytime you held on, the tears fall freely.

Whether you're mourning for the girl you were or for the grief you've carried all this time, I can't say. But I can tell you that one day, it won't hurt so much again.