7:05 am

"Life is beautiful"

"I am loved"...

I read in a singsong voice to myself

It's 7:20 am when I complete my daily affirmations, stretch from my sukhasana yoga pose and decide I'm ready to face the day.

It's 3:31 pm when I get the news. I'm sitting across the Nursing admin when my phone rings and your pretty face set as my call wallpaper stares at me.

I'll realize 15 minutes later that we have so much in common even in death.

The only difference will be that after I dropped to the floor, I woke up to see the ever poised Nursing admin staring intently at me with her honey-brown almond eyes, worry all over her pixie face and her lips murmuring something I can't place

While, you dropped to the floor and your night black pupils slid shut and will never hold me in theirs, your lips will no longer mutter my name, your arms limp by your sides will never be my safe space, and your warm breath won't break off the cold running down my spine.

It's 6:17 pm when the skies seem closer than the ground I walk on...

6:49 pm when I walk into our home

6:50 pm when I remember your mum's words on the phone to me "ọmọbinrin mi, itunu wa ti lọ"

Sometime later, the world is suddenly silent and dark.

I'll find out by 7:14 am, 10 days later that I was found floating in our bath tub, your favourite glass by the faucet, a few pills on our marble floors, the water left running, taking me someplace only we know.

Someone wearing a ward coat I know you'd hate so much will later ask me why I did it, why I took those pills, all 24 of them, she'd ask me about my feelings and I'd think of you. I'd think of the waters and darkness.

It's 4:25 am now and I'm about to write your eulogy.

I stare at the matte black journal laying before me...

I remember how you snuck up on me, gave me  a back hug and with the goofiest smile rambled about how you saw it and thought of me and how you kept asking if I liked it after presenting it to me...

The first page welcomes me with the daily affirmations you scribbled for me

One I had said every day till I no longer did

"Life is beautiful"

"I am loved"...

Its 4:28 am when a tear finally slips through,

Life was beautiful

I was loved.

Tsunami