1. Your Visit

You came to visit when I realized I lost him. You knocked gently, Standing at my door with your arms open widely, I didn't let you in or offer you a place to sit, even with your face gleaming with conviction and pleading for acceptance, I was harsh on you.

"I'm harmless," you said finally. "I just came to visit." I gave you a distasteful look. "Not today, please," I yelled. "I don't have the time to do this with you. Maybe on another day or never."

The next day, you came back. Your knock was loud and quick, piercing through every corner of the room with a melody of sadness. I gave you a disdainful glare and locked you out without thinking twice.

"I don't have time for your nonsense."

Your visit became a normal part of my life, and I never once looked you in the face or considered you. I slammed my door in your face every day, followed by a prolonged hiss.

1. Denial!

The last time you came, you stood at the door speaking subtly but clearly enough for me to hear you. Grief, you called yourself, your voice, a gentle sinuous breeze that stirs the heart, you emphasized that I need to accept you. You said you're the evidence that I loved him.

"Nonsense!" I replied. "How can you be the evidence when the evidence is here with me?"

You said acceptance is the hardest part of your visit, and embracing your arms makes everything real and better, with time. "Anyway, that's the whole point. I can't accept any of this. It's too silly."

I broke down wailing like a widow struck with the news of her husband's death. "I know I can't lose him. I can't! I don't want to lose him. I will never let him slip away from my hands. Holding on to him makes it feel unreal. Your presence will only make things worse. He said he would never leave, so I will hold him accountable for his words. After all, he's a man of his words."

I cleaned my face with the back of my palm, reassuring myself. "He will be back, and I will be here." I smiled at the starred date on the calendar over my wall. "He's almost here. Can you see?"

On the night of his supposed arrival, I stayed up all night, lighting my candles. I knew he wouldn't come, but I waited expectantly. The night became morning, and he didn't show up. I took my seat outside, and you were already at my door, but I ignored you. "I will be here till he comes."

I saw a familiar face from up close. "Here he comes." I sprang up to welcome him, filled with excitement, giving you a scornful look. But he passed by without looking at me. The look on his face became unfamiliar. He looked very distant, like he had never met me. I called his name, but he didn't answer.

1. Acceptance

"He's not the man I know. The man I know is gone, and I can't get a hold of him." I started sobbing as I walked sluggishly inside.

I got to the door about to shut it on your face one more time. You gave me the look I've always seen but never acknowledged. "Come in," I said finally, embracing you with my full arms. You held me while I cried my eyes out. "I wish I had accepted you since. I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

You didn't say a word. You stayed with me. I got used to you, your weight reducing each day as I learn to live with you. You helped me revisit the hurtful past while navigating the present. I have finally accepted your stay. On some days, it was tough to live with you. I felt every bit of your presence.

On other days, you dealt with me nicely. I smiled through the days. I also accepted that you're the evidence that I loved him, and I wished I had welcomed you, the first day you came knocking.