“Crash thoughts on my boredom”

Boredom, innit? Boredom is a state of mind not a state of a social atmosphere.

I'll be stuck in my own space for days. The word has surfaced in my life in different forms. The shit is real. I remember when my 4- year old sister said in her wee voice , " I am bored". Trust me, I was dumbfounded that she could identify boredom at that age.

I was telling someone how I get bored often. My mind is so complex that it cannot be pleased so easily. Before, I would indulge in movies to please me but now they are stuffed with concepts I have seen before. I have developed the hypothesis that eventually, being bored becomes your default. I have sought ways to be amused all the time thinking that when I'm bored, I am open to depression. But depression knows no ground, it can creep in at any time.

You can find me stress eating if things do not go my way. Food is interesting. Sometimes all I need is that sugar (glucose) to keep my brain active and daring to dream. Reminds me of my siblings who can eat as many times as possible in a day because they do not know what to do.

Boredom is when my muse does not text me. You know what it feels like to center your amusement around a person and you literally do not know how to live life without them. Little wonder why the word “amusement” has got “muse” in it.

"Where is my good morning text with the heart emojis" Gosh! I can't start my day without it.

I feel it when his mind is not in the conversation. My soul does not connect with his. He can wrap me in his arms without saying a word, time still but our souls will still connect to each other. He is the most interesting person, I know, yeah but when he doesn't speak soulfully to me, he bores me out.

“ You can catch me pretending to laugh at jokes told by others, but when I make a joke of my own, I laugh wholeheartedly, and you will too.”

It feels I have seen all the world has to offer. Oops, that came out wrong! We are enveloped with goodness and innovations. But in the Bible, there is something about, 'there is nothing new under the sun'. Like, I have seen it all. Some of these come in the form of déja vu.

It happens this way -like a cycle. I meet a new person, they bring the vibe - the ginger. A few days in, I feel I have exhausted all the amusement juice the person could ever offer. I sucked it all at once leaving the conversations that follow dehydrated. So, when the person says something like, our vibe is dead. In my mind, I am like, yeah, I sucked it dry.

Or maybe this is all a sign that I should take a detour from humans. Maybe, I should find my amusement in nature. Watch slugs mates, go fishing, watch the rising and setting of the sun- not sure I would get a good view from here. But yeah, I would try. Not like I wish to find no amusement in humans, you have to believe me, I tried. I tried listening to the conversations but people thought I was just a good listener. They'll bore me with all their talk, whilst my soul is malnourished. Someone says have fun, it feels strange. Can I? Have fun?