I love many things, but few are tagged "the great love of my life". To love is to bare my soul totally, to be conscious of nothing but how I feel.

And that is how it feels when I write, I feel. Things I may or may not want to feel, words I may or may not want to read.

When I write, I'm free. That's the word that comes to mind immediately. Things held under lock and key because I could not, would not or maybe simply did not know how to let them out tumble out as words, basking in this newfound freedom. Now my airways_ previously constricted by the million things I can't seem to push out, jostling for space with the multitudes there_ are open, and having put pen to paper, I can breathe a little easier, smile a little more.

Eagerness, anticipation. This is my best friend, and I always cannot wait to just...tell. To write about how I woke up to the heaviest rain the other day and I loved it so much. To write about how it feels to get that hug I've been waiting for and all I can think about us "can we stay like this forever"? To tell my sorry tale of how I have not seen my mother since December, and even though I talk to her daily, I miss her so much that the pain is almost like a physical presence, always taunting me, poking me with sticks, all the while reminding me that I'll not see her for a few more months. Maybe it doesn't bring her to me, but writing about my loneliness makes it feel less powerful. Facing your fears or how do they say it.

Pride too. I feel proud when I write. Not haughtiness or arrogance, but mostly relief that I did not bottle everything inside this time. I'm sharing, even if it's still with me. I'm proud that I did not stifle my screams today. I let my tears flow with the ink, and now that they are drained, I'll drink water and maybe sleep will be easier tonight.

Writing feels like...an inside joke between me and I. The paper does not tell me my sense of humour is weird, does not judge me or think I need therapy. So what if nobody gets my jokes? (I'll laugh at them myself)!

Here's to the great love of my life!