SIDES OF A COIN

The awful stench of filth still lingered heavily in the air. The seven seater bus Nneka boarded had just passed an enormous public refuse dump situated too close to the road. A hundred meters at least and still, she could catch a whiff rotten mangoes, it was in season. The dark skinned middle aged man who sat next to her and his unkempt underarms didn’t help matters either, she had read somewhere to steer clear of an open armpit on a bus but with the current predicament, one could easily infer that it was ignored.

Nneka thought that the day couldn’t possibly get worse. 

She laughed inwardly and mocked herself as she recalled the strenuous preliminary efforts she had put in earlier in the day and the days before. She had specifically gone on a low budget shopping for the perfect outfit; not too flashy, not too dull, perfect. She had returned with a below knee gray colored skirt and balloon sleeved white collared shirt and when she had put it on for fitting, it had perfectly complemented her fair skin, accentuating her little waist and mildly rounded hips. The length of the skirt was appropriate for a 5’8 woman and her old black kitten heel had perfected the look. 

Physically, she was prepared; Intellectually, she was also prepared; she had learnt the Do’s and Dont’s from past unsuccessful interviews and knew what to do and what to avoid. 

This interview was going to be it for her, she had put in so much effort and decided that this would be the last no matter the outcome. If it was positive, great, and if it was negative, she wasn’t going to feed herself with those exhausting motivational speeches from YouTube videos that advised to keep going no matter how many times you fall, she was going to feel the fall but it would be the final one regarding job seeking and failed interviews. She would look to something new and different, and broaden her horizon. 

All those efforts and preparations and here she was, again. She didn’t need to wait for their reply, she already knew. It was a failed one. She had studied their faces from experience and knew what today’s face meant.

She laughed again, and this time, outwardly, a little loud, her seat neighbors would think she was mad because she was not staring at a phone, she stared ahead blankly. She thought it was a waste and briefly, she contemplated a life where she had done things the unconventional way but got what she wanted. 

She was so deeply lost in her thoughts that she didn’t realize the bus had reached her destination and was halted. 

  ‘Is it not here you’re dropping?’ the conductor questioned while staring blankly at her.’

She quickly apologized and alighted after stuffing a squeezed two hundred naira note into his hand. 

The cool late afternoon breeze that blew as she passed the mirrored wall two storey building at her right quickly threw her back to her train of thoughts that she was confused when she heard her name.

She stopped in her tracks and turned to her right, the voice was more recognized than the figure. 

It was an old friend, Dami. 

She still looked ever so beautiful. 

Dami was her close friend from her junior secondary school days. She had been there for her when she had gone through her worst. Dami was the direct opposite of her that it made her wonder why her mom never bothered about their friendship or that she’d negatively influence her. Dami was formidable and fierce, the kind that would not take nonsense from anyone, she was challenging and rough even. She always appeared whenever the bullies showed up and sometimes they were left with dreadful cuts and bruises. 

Dami had left their school abruptly and all their contact had been cut off.

As she stared deeply at Dami, she realized that they still shared similar features, they had both retained their deep black bulgy eyes and their growth spurt in height despite their aging, twenty-four years should mean a lot had changed but it was not the case. 

Nneka was extremely elated, running into her very good old friend had completely buried the palpable desolation she had so deeply felt only a while ago. She smiled and it felt like the first genuine smile she had paraded today considering the fictitious white set of teeth she had on display in the long haul of the prior interview. 

She didn’t hesitate to invite Dami over to her apartment for a long catching up session. They hadn’t lost their chemistry even after a long time.

   The air was hot in Nneka’s tiny apartment so she tilted the window handle and drew up the blinds. With the lighting, the apartment didn’t look as small again. 

She brought out a bottle of cold water from her freezer for her guest and they instantly got engulfed in their conversation.

It was mostly Nneka doing the talking while Dami listened, and she was an attentive listener. Nneka rambled on about how life had been unfair to her and how she was just now contemplating giving up on white collar dreams to venture into the real hustle. 

She told raunchy tales of how some of the interviews went, pitching in shyly that she had considered some of their advances but didn’t have the moral guts to go through with it.

Nneka had talked so much that she unconsciously reached for the bottle of water she had brought for her guest and drank from it.

She reminisced with Dami the times they would try out weird recipes in the catering room when the instructor, Mrs Chinwe would leave it to their care after a practical. 

In passing, she suggested a catering business and Dami immediately beamed at the idea. 

There and then, they decided to start a business. Their opposing personalities easily complemented the setting and would get the job done; handling a business in Nigeria required being stern and intense and Nneka’s pliable nature made it sound futile so Dami would handle it, she embodied the character in surplus.

Nneka admitted that she missed Dami and that life would have been more interesting and better with her around.

   Nneka thought that the atmosphere was too dry, and the weather, too hot for the season. A typical June in Nigeria should be characterized by serious torrents of rainfall even though it wasn’t what she wanted at the moment. She hated that she had to go to the market in this weather; the bustling sound of market and the people was antithetical to her quiet nature but if she was really going to turn her penniless table around, she had to be diligent. Dami had already started her part. 

As she stood up to grab her purse and get going, her phone buzzed on the table. 

Her mom was calling.

 ‘I’m sorry for disturbing honey, just wanted to wish you good luck’ , her mom said over the phone

 ‘Huh?’ She couldn’t recall informing her mom of another interview

 ‘You said you were going shopping for you new business today right?, I’m trying to be supportive now’ 

  ‘I am going shopping for my business, thank you. I’m almost late now so I have to go’, she hung up. Nneka couldn’t recall telling her mom about her catering business, she didn’t think she would be approve, her parents had always been adamant advocates of white collar professions.

She recalled being extremely fatigued and sleepy two nights ago when she and Dami had finished drawing up some business plans that she immediately slept off. She thought that her mom must have called at that time and she picked up still half asleep and probably rambled on about the business as she still had much ideas in her head when she slept off. 

She picked her purse and left.

  A few months had gone by and as Nneka hummed to the sweet serenade of FREE MIND by TEMS, she felt ecstatic; business was going well, profits had started to accrue abundantly, they had even started being booked to cater for small scaled events which was done at her house and delivered to the venue. Dami had been the one doing the deliveries and collection of payments and she thought it was a blessing that she met Dami again, her timidity and sentimental nature couldn’t allow her the guts to disregard the coy acts of customers that used grief as shield to prevent themselves from discharging their part of the contract by paying the balance and that was the moments Dami would do her not giving a bullshit thing, she saw through their gimmicks.

The song ended and ROMEO AND JULIET by JOHNNY DRILLE started. 

Nneka’s mood immediately took a decline and her expression turned stoic. In the process of carrying on with their busy business, she had run into Christian, a guy she had liked so much in high school and Dami also met him.

He looked even more handsome now with glistening chocolate skin, his thick eyebrows she had admired was even thicker now and perfectly aligned with his square jaw line. He probably added nine inches as she didn’t remember him being above 5’8 feet when she saw him last at graduation. 

They were friends then, but not close enough to remain in contact after graduation, none of her friends were. And just like then, when she didn’t have the courage to tell him how she felt, she wasn’t able to do so now and he had grown close to Dami. She was the direct and vocal one after all. 

Nneka knew from time that them being together was bound to happen but it didn’t restrain the jealousy and despair she felt when she thought about it. 

She suspected that he liked her too in the few times he came to her house when Dami wasn’t around because he would smile with his full teeth and act like it was her he came to see and despite being tempted to let him in and spend time with him, she would tell him that she was busy and send him away.

   Nneka learned from a sad Dami that Chris had broken up with her and his reason had been that he couldn’t understand or deal with her personality. He said that their relationship had been too confusing and that he wouldn’t want to change any part of her.

Nneka felt panicked as their breaking up was just a day after Chris had come to her house when Dami wasn’t around and this time, giving in to the temptation when he gave her a charming smile and a little basket of fruits, she let him in. She had become so relaxed and engrossed in his story about his day that she completely forgot about Dami and didn’t resist when he leaned in and kissed her. 

She was already lost when she caught the taste of peppermint in his tongue. She didn’t like pepper mint but Dami did, Dami!.

She immediately snapped back to reality. 

What was she doing? She loathed herself, she couldn’t loose Dami now again, not when things had started going well for her: Especially not for Chris, not when he had taken the peppermint for Dami and not her.

She quickly got off on her feet and walked to the threshold of her veranda, she was silent but resolute when she looked at him and pointed to the door and just like that, she sent him away.

   Days had gone by and Nneka began to panic, she hadn’t heard a thing from Dami, and she tried but couldn’t contact her. She didn’t think it was related to what happened with Chris because they had continued their business since after their break up.

She neurotically paced the little living room space of her apartment as she pondered what to do. Her panic increased as she thought of the possibility of Dami leaving again and her chest tightened. She thought of when she left when they were younger; the bullies were gone but things weren’t the same. 

She picked up her keys and left. She was going to look for Dami, and she would start with the base of the last customer Dami made deliveries to.

Nneka knew she was in the right place as she approached a crooked sign board that read THE KING FISHER’S. 

It was the place Dami last made deliveries to; a family had rented the place for a small graduation party for their daughter and contacted them for their services. 

The door opened just as she was about to push it open.

 “Dami, long time no see”, a thin young lady wearing a red King Fisher’s vest greeted. 

Nneka quickly turned her back, she hoped it would be her Dami and was disappointed when she didn’t see any familiar face. 

She heard the lady mutter some words as she went inside. 

She approached a young man dressed in a black vest unlike the others and surmised that he was a higher up.

 ‘Hi, my friend made deliveries here last Saturday, I don’t know if you’ve heard from her or know where she went after’ she asked

 ‘Apart from you, nobody else made deliveries that day’ the man replied smiling

 ‘I know but it was my friend that made the deliveries, not me and she’s missing now so please I need any information I can get or the footage from that day’ she caught the shock on his face before it quickly disappeared. 

The man brought her into an office and searched the file for the date of the event they catered.

Fear gripped Nneka as she stared at what looked like the exact picture of herself walking in and out of the place carrying large food coolers.

 ‘I told you, nobody else delivered here after you Dami’ her head turned dizzy with his words and she lost her balance almost falling. 

He called her Dami and the lady at the door probably did so to, they acted both familiar.

She staggered a little, still dizzy as she went outside, she didn’t recall being here that day, it was Dami that came but the footage couldn’t lie so she was confused and scared.

She called her mom and quickly asked if she remembered Dami, her childhood friend.

 ‘You talked about her yes but I never actually met her’.

   She quickly entered a taxi to Chris’ place, he had been in a relationship with her so he would know.

 ‘What are you saying?, this is why I broke up with you, acting like one person today and like another the next day, I really like you Nneka, but I can’t deal, it scares me sometimes’.

   Nneka flicked off beads of perspiration that gathered on her head, she had been hyperventilating before the female doctor gave her some antidepressants that calmed her.

She was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder(DID). The doctor said that the trauma she went through as a child from the bullying resulted in her creating an imaginary friend, which was actually a personality split; a dissociative disorder as her true self couldn’t handle the bullies herself, she was timid and pliable. The bullying had stopped so her other identity had left but it came again when she had become so overwhelmed with depression that she needed a means of catharsis.

She was saying that Dami wasn’t real.

She looked at her mother that sat besides her and saw the expression on her face. She looked scared. She probably hadn’t heard of such a thing before.

Nneka thought that her mother probably thought that an Ogbanje had possessed her. She knew that her mother would take her to a church for deliverance sessions. Therapy as suggested by the doctor would never be as effective as going the spiritual way. 

Tears dropped from her eyes as she stood up and began walking. They were all wrong, Dami was real, she had to be. 

By JENNIFER OKWUDIRIMBAH