Do you remember the day you drove a noisome dagger through my heart? It was a very dark day indeed, replete with a leaden grey sky of the ilk found in macabre art. Of course, we began on a note much more blissful than where we ended. Your eyes centered me before I took the first notice of you. And you were determined to have this man to yourself even though you knew I had a wife. So you plotted your way into my life in as dexterous a way as the most skillful general. Your alluring smile, effervescence, and happy-go-lucky approach to the rigors and unsavory details of life drew me in like a bass to the fisherman's hook. Each look took me into nooks that had me hooked, and from which I could never extricate myself from the very nature of their intricacies. Far be it from me to absolve myself of any blame in this matter, even if my heart is shattered. For I was fully aware through our first days' chatter that this affair of ours was a sordid matter, and was wont to fail, nay fall and burst, leaving us with splatters of pain and heartbreak scattered all around, on and indeed in us for good measure.

Do you recall our first conversation? In a room devoid of space for so many people, we felt like the only two in the world. How magical the most mundane things can seem when shared with the human manifestation of your most cherished illusions. We talked about everything, from the grave to the silly and every word felt in the exact spot it should've been. I laughed at you when you surmised that you could only see five colours in the rainbow. Together, we picked out great music from obscure artists, held hands and swayed to their beautifully melded notes. We talked our plans and your desire to have a boy and a girl. They would be molded just after both their parents. Warm, kind, protective, and ambitious. 

And then our first kiss. How we awkwardly bumped noses and then laughed about it. The beauty of that moment and everything around it. The gentle undulating of that creaky bed and the all-encompassing cuddles afterward. I remember everything, and I know you do too.

Anyway, that is all many months ago now. Months instead of years, for I can put greater distance between now and then by measuring the time past in that manner. Quirky, I know. But that was always a dominant facet of our attraction. The endless quirks of one individual were all too similar to those of the other. It is alright for why it all ended to remain between you and me. These people should not be privy to any of that. We always shared that need for privacy.

Anyway, I am moving along nicely now. I picked up the practice of meditation four years ago. It helps me to get a handle on my episodes of violent rage that began to frequently appear three months after we ended. I have not entered into a fit of rage for a while now, at least not when I am sober.

I have a new companion now. Her name is Whiskey. For a few bucks, she's always around. She asks no questions. And in fact, she makes life look much rosier in the same way she does my face. She accompanies me often when I go out at night. 

I don't remember what we do together when we go out most nights. My smart ass of a doctor says the term for that is a blackout. Oh well. I hear that four women have been murdered around the city in the past year. They all look like you. What a coincidence. They all died on nights that corresponded with my blackouts. What a compelling coincidence. It is indeed funny how life goes. I hope to see you again soon.