THIS ONE WON’T BE different, you will cry and curse him in all the name that managed to attain Godship. Then you will forget about him or better still, you will wear your aso-oke agbada that day, the velvet one, yes that one, the one he said made you look regal. Then you will storm his wedding with your never-ending entourage of fine girls you have become friends with over the years, they always understood the assignment, to make you the center of attention until everyone turned to look at you and ask their neighbors – who the hell is that? Who invited him and why has he decided to steal the show from the couple? But they are not your target, they are just puppets in your show, the target is on the stage, with his bride, pretending to love her(maybe he does but he loves you more.)

You will drink in the look on the face of the groom, and save it in the cistern of your satisfying memories – you will need them in a few days when you crave to be fucked by him. But now you will put on a show, you can hear the groom’s eyes speaking the way it did when he wanted you but now he is asking, what the hell are you doing here? Some other time, he is saying, What do you want from me? But your response is always the same, a smile that made the devil’s smirk seem like a joke.

At the reception, when it’s time to gift the couple, you make sure yours is the most significant and then you join the dance with your girls until someone finally draw you aside to ask the question everyone has been asking themselves since you arrived at the ceremony. “Who the hell are you people?”

“I am the groom’s best friend,” You will tell them, that is what you always say.

“Then why didn’t he tell us about you?” Whoever was bold enough to challenge you will ask.

“I don’t, why don’t you ask him?” You will say, your sharp glares pointed toward the direction of the groom who is obviously disoriented.

Then you will take your leave, you have successfully achieved your aim, you have shown them what he lost when he choose a woman over you, when he choose societal acceptance and pressure over his love and desires. In a simple terms, you don pepper am.

The aftermath differed from persons, some would come back to you begging you to take them back, you can be their side chick, you will scoffed at that. You side chick, never, you will have all of them or nothing. Others call to rain curses on you, because their wife are asking unnecessary questions, now that could lead to their first major discord in their marriage, (Good, it meant that you have advanced from weddingwrecker to homewrecker.) So you will curse them back. Then we have the stalkers, the ones who will stalk all your pages and finally the ghost(happy married life to those ones, you did not really like them, they just had good sex.)

You met this one at Club Olympus in Lekki, you were out with your girls, when he ordered drinks for your table, at first you thought he was trying to get the attention of one of your girls but lo and behold, few hours later, one thing led to another and you found yourself smushing with the man at the back of his Range Rover and that marked the beginning of your romance.

He had input his number in your phone before you left for your own car, early the next morning, his call was what woke you up. Your connection was undeniable, by the third day, you knew you were heading toward something serious, this was only confirmed when he sent you a bouquet of flowers to your office, your employees hound you for the pounds of chocolate snacks he sent along with it but knew better than to ask you who it came from(they all love their jobs).

When you were alone, you opened the letter he had attached to the bouquet, he was asking you out on a date that Saturday, to which you said yes.

He asked you out on the third date, which was a traditional restaurant with a adire-pattermed wall, he had asked the question with Forever Sweet by DOTTi the diety Playing in the background.

You told him you would give it a thought and that night you did, so you called him the next morning to ask him if he intended to marry a woman like the rest of your exes, he had laughed loudly to that, oh what melody it was to hear that he had no intention of doing that.

Then two years into the relationship, he returned back from a visit to his village to give you those stories.

“It was my brothers I swear, they got me drunk and forced her on me,” He explains with a look of remorse you wanted to wipe off his face.

“What the fuck! That’s rape,” you exclaim.

“I know,” He says before bursting into tears and you can’t help but pull him into a hug to comfort him.

He broke up with you afterwards anyways.

So on his wedding day, you put on the blue three-piece suit he bought for you during your one year anniversary, you get your girlies matching gowns from the topmost fashion designers in Lagos.

Soon the marriage ceremony started and the entire cathedral stood up as the bridal procession matched in, you knew the exact moment his eyes landed on you—the fear in his eyes that made your heart break instead of jump, it is then you realize that this one was different. You realize that you will not sit idle and watch the man you love marry someone else.

So when the priest asked if anyone had a reason why the couples should not be joined together, you raise your hands to the dismay of the audience and the priest who look like he was witnessing a once-in-a-lifetime event.

When the priest signify for you to speak, you heard someone say, “He better have some thing important to say.”

And oh, you did.