I want a world where everybody just gets it.

No, don't ask me how she died because I don't want to talk about it. Do you really have to ask if I'll attend classes tomorrow? No, I am not okay, do I look fine?

I know it's hard to put yourself in my shoes, because you didn't have to stay in the room, to look at her empty bed space and think of how she used to lie on the floor when it got hot. To enter the kitchen and see her side, empty, no evidence that she used to be here, that she did her dishes in this very sink.

You're not having headaches because you feel guilty that you could have been nicer to her, you could have done more.

You didn't have to explain to the unsuspecting neighbour who asked about her that she's not here, she won't be here anymore.

Your heart didn't break, as you watched a mother watch her child struggle to take laboured breaths. You didn't stay in the emergency ward, and see so many things that you're disgusted with yourself for bit being more grateful, for taking your health and blessings for granted.

Simply, a world where everyone gets it.

Get that I am in a phase where I just want solitude, alone time. I get that you don't want me to be alone, but please, hug me and hold my hand, but do not ask me questions I do not want to, can not, or do not know the answers to.

So that is my ideal world. But then I realise that who I am to decide what is ideal or not? What makes my criteria the best? What of the other millions of people, whose pain I cannot even begin to have a basis to compare to? Who gets a say and who does not? We all have our own ideal world inside of our heads, but we'll wake up tomorrow and be grateful that we woke up, because this is the only world we know, and it's as ideal as ideal gets.