“No, the lady I met today was Grace.” I corrected. Man u and Chelsea were playing today, so I switched my focus to the game, the only reason that got me out of my house tonight.

Manchester United and Chelsea were by far the biggest teams in the world as far as the street agberos and the tush fine boys were concerned, with the latter feeling they were the greatest.

At nights like this, we drank till our tummies were full, a way to gulp down whatever banter that was thrown at you, especially when you had a low return game. “Hazard do get injured,” I echoed with a smile that oozed victory. Eden Hazard was Chelsea’s most dangerous player and the reason why we lost the 2017 FA Cup final. He made our players look bad, I sighed. He made everyone look bad, I quickly admitted.

Hazard was a disaster, a menace to every man’s defence, his trickery feet and blistering pace didn’t give our players any rest as they ate the dust that oozed from his boots, He was that good.

But today was different.

Hazard no see anything to play today ke? Seni mumbled in surprise.

“Grace is Eniola’s pen name,” Kay informed me. My jaw dropped, his words were followed by a strong stare that stole my interest away from the game.

"And how you wan take know that one?” I replied casually and glanced at him, before going back to the screens. With eyes blinking wide at the screen, I anticipated and waited for the winning goal. Slowly, we approached the 89th minute and were still locked on one-one, a draw wouldn’t do me, I needed a win to shut the boys up, man u couldn’t disappoint, they weren’t Motunde, after all, I mumbled quietly.

The boys laughed whenever they heard this story, Kay, especially. Mumu for love, the nickname he had given me, seemed to have stuck that year, and the years that followed. I met Motunde in my adolescent stages at the great Ife, where the boys became my roommates and gist partners. Staying in a two-bedroom flat at Ojota campus road was a big flex, but we earned it, well Kay did, the only Ife big boy, he had an exceptional way of relating with people and making them do his bidding, and maybe that was why Sola Makinde, the commissioner’s daughter and Kayode’s Maga would make a four-year rent down payment, with the documents in his name, or maybe she was just plain stupid, I always wondered, even till today.

Well, at the time, Kay’s life seemed to move me, his smooth talkery, sweet lips which could get him into any girl’s pants, got me jealous and chased me to Motunde, a not-so-fine girl- scratch that, the strikes on Motunde’s face, made you wonder if she fought Tigers in her sleep, but that was as far as the recurs would go.

She was blessed with the purest of boobies, the type that screamed suck me, won’t you suck me? As they dangled before my very eyes, anytime we bumped each other, and the other reason? Motunde’s Dad owned an Oil Company.

Time flew and I shot my shot at Motunde, all for two things, her boobies and the weekly allowance that her daddy sent. Unsurprisingly, things had gone well, maybe too well. Motunde’s big boobies and behind attracted not only me but working-class men whom she frequently told me off, not that I cared, I had nothing to worry about, besides when a girl tells you about her impending suitors, it means she considers you, superior to them, what a fool I was, I know better now.

My naivety took me to her bedroom, the back of the toilet and the library, whenever we made out, I looked clueless as her boobies dangled before me, sucking her as she made low-fated moans, faster, faster, destroy me Motunde often yelled, as she slammed me inside her, eating her wet cookie jar, I was in love, I realized.

It was one of those moments where we did it in the closet, “I love you.” I had mumbled during hot sex.

“mmmhmmm, you too love.” She mumbled,

“I love you.” I repeated, I wasn’t satisfied.

“You too, baby, now devour me” I smiled and watched her pull my clothes away as she devoured me. I was a slave in love, I had realized.

It had taken two weeks later to see the real Motunde. It was raining that night but I didn’t care, she had been avoiding me ever since the love thing, I wondered why, didn’t girls want love.

The guy that’ll treat them right and make them happy, blah, blah, blah.

“You’re the doing it again, man.” The guy in the car said, they were making out, and that was his response to my question.

“What did I do wrong baby” I yelled in the chilly rain, “I’m sorry.” She replied and wound up seconds later. I was a mumu, I thought. The phrase "mumu for love" would later stick with me that year, considering the number of times I forgave Motunde, my first love, that year. How I later came out of it? A different story entirely.

“Yes?” Eniola stood by the door, in wet bum shorts that were half covered by a green towel and her left hand, glued to her waists. Head towel.

I could tell that she had just stepped out of the bathroom. She was beautiful, I realized.

“You are?” her lips twitched and took me away from Wonderland. I opened my lips to introduce myself, but her memory was sharper, I realized, minutes later.

“You are familiar.” She pointed out. Her words were followed by a deep stare as I looked around the Anyanwu’s Mansion, the biggest building in the estate, given the fact that it was named after them.

“He’s with Kay,” a lady said softly, and I watched her stride back upstairs entered the Mansion.

I could easily pick up the resemblance between the two young ladies that I had just met, with one more welcoming than the other.“You must be Muyiwa.” She said, and pecked me on the cheek, a bad habit of hers- something the old me might have said, I thought.

“Look who’s finally here.” I found Kay, sitting on the couch with a couple of other guys and girls, as usual, he was the life of the party, I turned to Bridget and wondered how she was coping, silly me, I thought, she might just be drunk in love like all the other girls that he fell in love with.

Kay had organized a get-together at Bridget’s family home for both their friends to get to know each other, even as they secretly continued their plans for the wedding.

His bet was that I was going to make Eniola fall in love with me, something I was not too keen on at the time.