Today when I was praying, I started having anxiety.

I had recently been appointed as the new Campus Director of Baze University. I was still recovering from the feeling of “I am not good enough and what do I bring to the table”. This is popularly known as “Imposter Syndrome”. 

And after I was done praying, the Holy Spirit addressed it, but then He said something that hit me strongly.

“You are not doing it because you love the position, enthusiastic about the position, love the kingdom but because you are trying  to prove to yourself and others that you are useful”.

This hit deeply as I meditated on it. I realize that I was basically only doing this position because I feared what people might say, I feared that I might not be as good as the others or the past Campus Director of Baze University and so I said prayers that one might say was very good but the thing is “God sees the heart”. I could gaslight myself from the real truth but couldn’t gaslight God. 

The thing is, we something’s for God not because of our love for Him but from a place of “I want to be useful”.

Note wanting to be useful isn’t a bad thing (2 Timothy 2:20-21) but there’s a healthy drive to it. Check the reason for your drive, is it from God? Is it healthy? 

And then the Holy Spirit reminded me of Matthew 7:21-23 MSG 

““Knowing the correct password—saying ‘Master, Master,’ for instance—isn’t going to get you anywhere with me. What is required is serious obedience—doing what my Father wills. I can see it now—at the Final Judgment thousands strutting up to me and saying, ‘Master, we preached the Message, we bashed the demons, our super-spiritual projects had everyone talking.’ And do you know what I am going to say? ‘You missed the boat. All you did was use me to make yourselves important. You don’t impress me one bit. You’re out of here.’”

These people did it because they wanted to feel important in Gods kingdom, notice “SELF” was the motive. It wasn’t because of their love for God, or their willingness to bring forth His will but to make themselves feel good or important, “SELF”.

And this is very unfulfilling because you’ll end up doing so much and yet feeling like you are still not doing anything for God, such persons would have a sense of worthlessness.

He then said “whenever you do anything for God, it should be on the basis of this two things; Christ and Love”. 

“Christ- That the gospel may be preached to all the ends of the earth. Basically so that Christ may be revealed.

Love- because of the revelation of the love that Christ has for me and my love for Him”. 

So if this isn’t the drive then you’ll labour in vain.

We can actually do so much here but with the wrong motive, so check your motives.. why are you doing it? 

Some persons do this because of past traumatic statements or situations that happened that made them feel worthless. 

You don’t need to prove your worth to the one who made you or to anyone in fact, Galatians 4:10-11. Like Paul said, if you do that, “I fear for you.” You’ll either fall into religion or end up laboring in vain.

So how do i overcome this? And stop myself from doing everything else for God with that mindset?

1. Pray:Confess it to God that you have been doing this, confess your pain, traumatic experiences that might have led to it, ask for forgiveness and His mercy to prevent you from furthering in that area. Then ask for your motives to be changed, for your desires to be changed and for Christ to be revealed irrespective of whether you are known or not. 

1. The Word: study, listen and meditate on it. Romans 12:1 tells us to allow the word renew our minds. That habit is a mindset, so you need the word to change that mindset.

1. Fellowship with the Holy Spirit: the more you spend time with the Holy Spirit, the more you adapt to His mindset, have you noticed that when you spend time with a person that is a feminist, you begin to think like one.. it’s the same way that spending time with God makes you think like Him. 

1. Fellowship with the saints: Have the right persons around you, see their desires and their motives and intentions whenever they are doing anything for God. Such fellowship can renew and redirect yours. 2 Timothy 2:22.