"I am sorry. I am deeply sorry"

Most of the time I feel this might be my last words to you

I want you to believe me when I tell you I try. I really did

The darkness was too vast and alluring

I couldn't fight it off on my own

Most of the time I wanted to call out your name and reach for you

I need you to believe me when I tell you I didn't because I know you couldn't help me

I don't think anyone can

Most of the time I fantasize about getting better

This, for me, have been a way of living

I don't know who I am if I don't fantasize

I don't know how to live if not through fantasy

Most of the time I really want to tell you how it truly is

But then, you moved on very fast after you ask "how are you"

I'm sorry you will be hearing about my demise like this

I just couldn't stomach living

It became too much too fast.