Going to the market is an activity I dread. Going to the market in Onitsha is an activity I dread, even more. I never go, until I absolutely need to. I enjoy the vibrancy and spirited hustling, but I always try to remember that there are hustlers hustling for something different; something they don’t intend on paying for, where they are only on the receiving end. I always remember to shine my eye.

The Onitsha markets are vast. You can get absolutely anything. It is the market. While this is of huge benefit to anyone willing to venture, it also calls you to ready and prepare yourself for the inevitabilities to come. It tells you to wear something that affords you ease but not so much ease you look too inviting as a woman and as a man anything that allows you carry as much as possible but still carrying as little as possible, works. Anything, literally anything can and will happen.

I remember going to the market with my sister on April 13, 2024. There was a bit of traffic inside the market, as the keke man slowed down, easing into the traffic, young men came out of nowhere, flashing phone screens bearing pictures of contemporary men’s wear(yahoo boy coded). We had told them we weren’t interested, but somehow, more of those guys kept coming. My more market-experienced sister told me they were robbers, that they would snatch our phone somehow. We came down as soon as possible, without getting to our destination, and ran. We ran so fast, bypassing mannequins and wares littered outside, diving past itinerant sellers.

Now, had I been alone I might have waited, till I got to my destination. I laugh about it now, but had the tragedy of losing my phone has happened, it will most likely not be amusing. So if I leave you with something today, it is; be prepared, be ready, for literally anything. Everybody and every movement is suspicious, until proven otherwise. Stay awake.

In as much as the people stress the heck outta me. They are also—ironically— my favourite feature of the market. They are some of the most caring and thoughtful people I might have met. I remember stopping to wait for an acquaintance of mine. We stood in front of the UBA Bank and a young woman, tentatively, in a bid to disarm us, walked up to us. She sold phones at the Emeka Offor Plaza and wanted to know if that might be the reason we stood there, after my sister responded in the negative, she did not leave before telling us to hold our personal belongings carefully— snatchers abound.

I try to remind myself not to cost myself something by being utterly suspicious of everyone. While I have my guard up, I try to remind myself that there are responsible business men and women in the market who have my interest and that of the general public, in mind. A seller I also met on the day I went to the market with my sister comes to mind; an elderly man, he looked to be in his late sixties. I had picked up a few shirts that interested me. As I was checking them out—not that I know anything about cloths, I just wanted to pick the ones whose textures I found most desirable—the man put down one of them, gently. He explained to me that it was of a lower quality and wouldn’t last long. I might have picked and paid full price for that if I had not been told. I remember shooting him a bombastic side eye while simultaneously feeling my phone in my pocket (I know! I know!)

Before I depart, I want to leave you with few things to bear in mind, if you decide to visit and make purchases from the Onitsha markets.             

Firstly, walk fast, please. Everybody, you included, is in a hurry. I promise, them gon run you down if you don’t. Wear something you can pull and hold onto easily if need be. That your fat palm slippers that you carry instead of having it carry you, brother man, drop it at home.

Furthermore, if you intend to buy a lot of things, withdraw half your money and have a working card. I tell you, prepare for the worst. In the event that you get robbed, you don’t want them getting everything, do you?

Though I suppose you should know this already but if you don’t (side eye), for the love of God, don’t make or answer phone calls. If you absolutely need to; find a shop inside, where you can be shielded from prying eyes; buy a thing or two (You thought they would allow you in for free?), then take that life threatening phone call.

On a final note, Nwannem, Shine your eyes. Gbado anya.