As a woman growing up, I’ve always had this dream to work. And although I wasn’t sure what work I wanted to do I just knew that somewhere, somehow, I’d be seated in an office typing words into a computer, designing and recording files. My mother was someone who trained me to love hard work as well as hand work. It started from waking up to chores and taking care of my younger siblings since my mom had no business with the house, it was a continuous streak of waking up, going to the market, and back home at night for her. The same went to my dad. They were only kin on earning money for the family. Up to date, I can’t stay idle doing nothing. It’s hard for me to rest knowing fully well that something is undone somewhere. I love it when my hands are doing something. Something that can make a difference for good, either in my life or someone else.

  A few years into becoming a teenager, with the knowledge I also got from school, I decided to become a secretary, what is now known as an administrative or executive manager. That way I would be able to get my hands on a computer-related business. In other to start that I had to enroll in a cyber café to get all the knowledge I needed to operate a computer. 

  My parents weren’t rich neither were they poor but still they didn’t have enough money to cater for all seven children. So as the first child, I felt more essence to work and earn. Unfortunately for me as time went by I soon experienced how dreams could turn into mere memories in a blink of an eye. How? Marriage. Marriage came to me as something I couldn’t bargain with. It was like fate, something that was meant to happen. I didn’t only get married to my husband but also to responsibilities. At first, it wasn’t a problem as I could still do other things I wanted to do. When my dreams as well as the hope to dream started to fade was when I started having kids. Things were happening faster than expected or maybe because I never really thought about that part of life. Children are of course blessings, don’t get me wrong. Somehow I just think things would have happened differently, in a better way. 

  Soon enough, I began to forget I had a dream to live through. It was replaced with taking care of my kids, my husband, my youngest siblings who were still my responsibility, and of course the house. You might think “Why didn’t you get a house help if you wanted to work so much?” but once again I was trained to love hard work, whether it was domestic or not. I felt the need to input this working spirit and energy into my family. My husband was enough support for me. And although he was someone I started to love after marriage, I am forever grateful he was the one.

  Bearing a daughter felt like a second chance to me. “if I couldn’t do it, she could.” I never pressured my daughter to do what she didn’t want to do when It came to academics and course of study. Well as long as it was productive. I was on a mission to ensure she didn’t turn out like me. “Like me” being having a failed dream. I wanted her to take over, and groom herself without waiting for anybody, I wanted her to love working the way I did and be able to take care of herself, take things slow, and achieve her dreams. However, I once realized how hard I was being on her without considering how she felt when she said to the family, “Sometimes I feel like mom hates me.” It dawned on me then that I was forcing certain things on her forgetting she's an individual and woman of her own. I was not my daughter and she wasn’t me. The situation appeared more cruel because she was the only daughter among three boys and therefore had no other female structure except me in our home to rely on so I made that hard for her. I probably would have known better if I had an understanding and close relationship with my mother. She was always away doing one or two, we didn’t spend time together. It was only a series of corrections every chance we got. A mother and daughter relationship was therefore something I was failing at but eventually learned from my mistakes and took a different turn toward things.

  Knowing me, I’m a very difficult person. It’s hard for people to change my opinion about something. I usually call it being my person while some see it as stubbornness. Funny enough I started to join those some when I saw my daughter displaying such characteristics. I started to see myself in her which sort of made it easier to understand and communicate with her, although there were also times when we quarreled and had disagreements, dealing with someone who acts like me. As time began to pass I was able to support and guide her through the doors she was meant to open and the ones she didn’t need to open yet. I would say the generation that I brought my daughter into is a clear example of “Where there is an advantage, there is a disadvantage.” I tried my best to make use of good parts. 

  The day I learned my daughter's dream was to become a successful writer and publisher, I took it upon myself that my new dream was to fulfill that for and with her. And so the long run began.

  Today, I am a happy woman whose dream came through. Even though it wasn’t the initial dream of being an office worker I had growing up, it was the dream I built along the way of my changed life with my family. Seeing my daughter living her dream as a scriptwriter and publisher of her own company makes me feel fulfilled. Now she doesn’t only tell her story but mine as well. 

 I remember a day I was in the kitchen with my daughter and I randomly decided to interest her with this same story. I concluded the long gist by saying " So Amara, all I'm trying to say is as a woman equip yourself, learn what you want to do, and get your certificate. Get a job and achieve something for yourself. When it comes to marriage, plan it out carefully without rushing into anything. Establish yourself or let your husband establish you. And just like what I'm doing for you, try your best to see your children through their dreams too. That way you can finally feel fulfilled." A bit of advice to other growing women out there as well. Live your dreams and tell your story.

Happy women's month.

#WM2024

Onam Emmanuella