Maya Angelou once said “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you”.

  As a growing child, you have dreams and aspirations, the world is full of endless possibilities and the sky your starting point,then you grow older, you realize it’s not that simple, it’s not simple at all, and as a woman, your opportunities are quiet slimmer contrary to popular belief.

 In a world of conventions and stereotypes where being a woman is underestimated, where society perceives a woman as being weak, docile, an object, where all you have to offer is your body.

Thirty-five percent of women in Nigeria have experienced gender-based violence. This implies that one in every three Nigerian women has suffered physical and/or sexual violence.According to the 2018 Nigeria Demographic and Health Survey, 31% of women between ages 15 and 49 have experienced physical violence while 9% have experienced sexual violence.

Further, 36% of once married Nigerian women have suffered spousal violence.

Forced/early marriage is also prevalent in the country.

Drivers of violence against women in Nigeria arises from social norms, economic stress, family relations, patriarchal beliefs, and targeted assertions against female autonomy, this is because of the stereotype society has fixed in women.

You say you want to work,build a business,start a brand and they say “oh honey what for? I make enough money for both of us”.

You go for that interview,you show them your certificates and qualifications,you are confident you know you deserve that position more than anybody else but then they say “You have to use what you have to get what you want”.

You think,is there a place for you in this world,a place where you don’t have to sell yourself just to feed,then somehow you manage to start that business and they say “We all know the Alhaji she’s sleeping with”.

 Countless times, the world tries to write your story for you, they say you shouldn’t do that because a woman shouldn’t, they say you shouldn’t dress that way because if you do no man will marry you-apparently your only duty as a woman is to get married and bear children-, they say you shouldn’t talk or air your opinion because a woman shouldn’t do that, you shouldn’t make more money than your husband, you shouldn’t have a say, you shouldn’t argue, your feelings are not valid, you shouldn’t, you shouldn’t.

Before colonization, women faced inferiority complex,the communities told them what to do, what not to do, how to act and behave and failure to comply attracted punishment.

In our society today, social media is the community, women's choice of lifestyle are being questioned, we are slut-shamed, we are reminded we are women like there is a certain kind of unwritten law specifically for women. Our past is easily judged, our choice of work is loudly criticized if it doesn’t sit well with the societies perception of what a woman should be.

Society praise the men who are capable of providing for their families, and encourage those who are trying but they forget to acknowledge the women,the ones who takes care of the family, the manager of the household, the teacher to the children,world's best chef, household nurse,financial controller,the heart of the home and sometimes plays the role of the man.

So you get fed up, you don’t take that opportunity, you don’t make that decision, you don’t try that new skill, you don’t explore that passion, you don’t acquire that knowledge, because you think, what’s the point, people would call it a waste of time, you should be focused on finding a husband you are growing old, you should learning how to take care of a family, because the world says so, so you do nothing, so who tells your story?

 The answer is no one, because in order for there to be a story to tell there has to be one written right?. So who writes you story?

The answer is you. So you ask,how do I write my story? I’ll tell you.

First you have to break free from the stereotype and conventions, break out from the trap, put efforts beyond biology and your home and fulfill your own unique possibilities, shape you life and future the way you want it and not the way society says it’s should be, explore your potential, try that new thing, make mistakes because how else will you learn, be criticized, let them laugh at you because if they don’t it means they don’t notice and you should be noticed, your beauty should not be defined by societal standards but by your inner power and capacity to radiate joy, confidence, and care, be empowered.

Empowerment comes from being confident in your own female skin, it does not come from how others perceive you. 

No matter the pressures of society to conform and be who others want you to be, inner self-belief is phenomenal. Believe you can, refuse to be subdued, take control of your voice, speak loudly ,roar if you want you to, embrace your qualities, your uniqueness, refuse to be normal, be extraordinary, be different.

Like Maya Angelou again once said “ you may write me down in history with your bitter, twisted lies, you may trod me in the very dirt but still, like dust, i rise” because you are a woman.

Being a woman is multifaceted and complex, society holds you to ridiculous standards, outdated gender norms are pervasive in your daily lives, gender pay gaps are still rampant and the patriarchy, although facing criticism is still a force to be reckoned with.

It is true that progress in terms of gender equality is uneven,but despite this, women are taking over the world. A lot of women in Nigeria have been able to make a name for themselves,they've been able to attain great heights,accomplish goals and aspirations generally believed that a woman cannot or should not.

So who tells your story?, You. 

By being yourself unapologetically By sharing your ideas, pushing boundaries, and finding your own voice, gender being part of one's identity, doesn't mean society should restrict you to cultural boundaries of how a woman is expected to be. Women are all unique, and that’s the beauty of it.

By not take no for an answer, by supporting each other and encourage other women to stand up and fulfill their own unique possibilities,shaping your lives the way you want it and not the way society expects it should be.

By standing out, being bold, by grabbing life by the horn, by accepting you’re different and that’s okay, by believing in yourself, by taking your chances, risking it, giving it all you’ve got. 

Like Charles de Lint once said, “Don’t forget no one else sees the world the way you do, so no one else can tell the stories that you have to tell”.

#WM2024