More often than not, like me, you are possibly plagued with this question, “At the end of my life, what will I be known for and what will I have achieved? The crux of this question is the thought of the destination, the journey in between, and your present situation.

There is no denying that you wonder if you should play it safe and walk in the paths crafted by society, your parents, or past dreams and visions. Yet, you can not shake off the feeling that you can take a leap of faith towards a dream and projects bigger than yourself, and what anyone else has achieved.

As a little girl, I watched women like Mrs. Dora Akunyili, Mrs. Ngozi Okonjo Iwella, Michelle Obama, and many other women work tirelessly to become who they were known to be. Amazingly, many are still pushing and setting the pace for the younger generations of visionary women. 

However, it is no news that these women, as much as they put in the work and had set down goals and visions, had many factors that played a critical role in their becoming. First and foremost, they knew who they were. They were not confused about the principles governing their lives, passions, goals, likes and dislikes, their destined destination, and their strengths and weaknesses. It is sufficient to say that they were self-aware and had undergone a process of self-discovery and independence.

This process of self-discovery and independence has been no small feat. As an African woman, I understand the unannounced and unimaginable battles these women fought mentally, socially, environmentally, and educationally. As much as there is more freedom in today’s age and time for a woman to pursue her dreams, the psychological insights have not changed much. In many African countries, a limit has been set on women’s aspirations by chains of patriarchy.

I recently saw a quote that read “A woman’s purpose is to help her husband achieve his goals and visions,” and it struck a chord. Should a woman be relegated only to become the support her husband needs to achieve his goals and visions, or could this be at play both ways? Unavoidably, the former has been more prevalent from the day many women took their first breath on earth, watching the lights dim out of their mother’s eyes, eyes that were once full of dreams unimaginable and yet very possible to achieve.

Does this mean that if a woman’s dream and vision is to focus on her family, and nurture its growth and success, she is dull? Not true. Does this mean that a woman whose goal and vision is to have a family and also be able to impact the world with her handiwork is ambitious? Absolutely not. Does this mean that a woman who decides to focus on her work alone for a time without the thoughts of nurturing a family is overambitious? Absolutely not. Yet, you cannot deny that each category has a large percentage of people trying to enforce itself on the other.

A woman - a man with a womb - only nurtures the seed she has at hand. Her seed could be more than the seed of the next woman, and she can produce as many fruits as she possibly desires. However, she needs to know what she wants for herself, and what she dreams of without having external influences imposing themselves on her. Should she be open to advice? That is necessary. Inadvertently, there is a need for the woman to have space to receive a photosynthesized light to become all that she can be, to push beyond the safety net, spread her wings, and soar high into destiny. 

As a child, my dream was to become a gynaecologist doctor. I was to become the chief medical officer of my high-profile hospital (that has a heliport for emergencies and transportation) at the age of 27. I can hear you wondering what happened to that dream. Without a doubt, that was a beautiful dream. How did I come about it? I grew up watching my mother nurse pregnant women during labour as a midwife. Years later, when I started having my monthly cycle, It was such a painful experience, and I was determined to find solutions to help other girls like me. The core of that dream was when I read a magazine about a woman who achieved something similar at the age of 27; she was a doctor and owned a high-profile hospital. This was my propeller. This was what fueled my dream. It showed me the possibility to become what I dreamt of and more. So, it is safe to say I was influenced by my environment, my personal experience, and what I consumed.

In fairness, that was the passion I could relate to at that time. So what happened? Why did my dreams change? A lot of things played an integral role in this. I have undergone seasons of my life where my thought patterns, perspectives, lifestyle, etc, changed and underwent several processes of transformation. What influenced that change could have been a good or bad experience, but it achieved its one purpose - I discovered who I am and my passions. It affected the circle I kept, the food I consumed, the way I spoke, and in summary, the things I naturally did. When all these changes occurred, and having undergone self-discovery, the independence I require as a basic need finally became an obstacle. There is a societal belief that financial freedom is easily accessible and achievable when you settle on some specific popular career paths. Traditionally, as a young woman, if I decide to become a music artist instead of a doctor, a nurse, or a lawyer, I will be considered foolish. Despite the changes I must have undergone to discover my passions and purpose, it does not matter. 

“You can be who you want to be,” but there is a hidden clause - “Don’t choose to be what won't pay you a lot of money.” “Be passionate, but be wise.” “The world does not care about your passion,” and rightly so. The world doesn’t care, and many times, neither does your family and friends. However, I have discovered that if you do one thing diligently and excellently enough, you will reap the fruits of your labour, greased in success.

The fear of survival is a big discouragement of many dreams and visions. The fear of doing something bigger than oneself, refusing to play it safe, and walking into the unknown is a big crusher of dreams. An even bigger fear would be the fear of failure. What if it doesn’t work out? What if in the end, I have nothing to show for it? You will agree that many of these fears were not mine to begin with. I was born with a faith larger than life. In the same way that there are principles governing every aspect of life, there is a need for me to set the right principles I would need to push through the norm and the generally accepted into all I perceive possible for my life. I can be anything I want to be but the power essentially lies in my hands. It lies in my ability to shut my senses to the external forces acting upon my life and dig deep into the depths of my heart as I unravel the beauty within. No precious stone is ever found on the surface, it is always deep in the earth’s depth and it takes patience and focus to obtain one. It may be found in its raw form, but when time, process, and hard work act on it, it goes through the process of being refined; it comes out shiny, and attractive and becomes what everyone wants. 

I can decide to settle for the mediocre and become what every other person wants me to become, or I can take the reins of my life, and journey the story I must have found written in time about me; hidden deep within me. I know a generation of women after me are waiting for me to take the step out in courage and walk in that path uniquely mine, and a thousand and one generation of women before me are cheering me on because they made the same choice. My legacy is dependent on this simple knowledge, the choices I make will have a huge impact on my life. So I will do myself a favour, all it takes is to start believing in me.

#WM2024