Dear God,

It's me again. The 999th time actually. I'm beginning to have trouble holding on to my faith at this point to be honest, but I'll keep holding on. That's all I can do for now; if I don't do that, then I'll cease to exist.

I know I'm not supposed to only ask You for things but to thank You as well for all that You have done but I haven't and I'm sorry. There's no excuse but I'd like to be petty and blame it on my human condition. Being grateful for things we haven't received yet is kind of hard. I know it's also selfish to dwell on the things we haven't received while forgetting the things we have, but again, the human condition.

If I'm being honest with You, I actually did lose faith. After asking for things that seem to come easy to others for 998 times, I just kind of gave up on ever receiving them. But, I'm glad I came across James 2:26: “For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.”

I realized that having faith, praying and trusting in You to fix me means that I also have to work towards it. All this time I've been waiting on You to do everything, but now I know I have to put in work as well.

So here I am again Lord, for the 999th time, trusting in You and asking that You answer my prayers and fix me, cause I need to be mended Lord.

Help me to live by my name and be happy, not just 3 hrs a week but everyday of the year.

Help me to not be so broken, trapped in despair and languishing in anguish every time I look at myself in the mirror. Help me to love myself.

Help me to not always doubt my abilities, to trust in myself and be confident about my process.

Help me to love others with my heart and not feel judged and threatened by them and not hate them if I think for one second that they may be better than me. (Help me to not also degrade myself by thinking that they are better than me at first glance just because they have on nicer clothes than I do).

And last but not least, help me to love You more than I love myself. I don't want to be in a position where I'd have my faith tested and I fall. I want to stand firm in You, and trust Your process.

I ask that you grant me these five prayer points of mine and I promise to make a conscious effort towards achieving them as well. I trust completely that You will hear me this time; the 999th time is the charm afterall (lol).

Thank You Lord in advance. From Your favorite case study, Gippeum.

P.S. I wasn't the one that broke the dishwasher. Kindly relate that to my mum when she goes to meet You today at six. Thanks again❤️