As always, I come back to you. I welcome the cold embrace of death because I know it will lead me to you. 

The ground is cold and I can still feel myself shivering as blood pools around my body but nothing matters. Nothing matters if I get to meet you again. 

It has been too long since we talked, do you remember? Do you remember what you said to me before you took your own life? You said we would get married, we’d have 3 kids, even though I wanted twelve, we’d both work from home and make sure we were involved in our children’s lives cause our parents were never in ours. We said we’d be different. Tell me you remember. You wanted to name our first son after you but I absolutely detest when kids are called junior. I would’ve given our son his own name. 

No husband. No sons. No marriage.

Your cousin was the one who broke the news to me. Beautiful Gbemi, we went to school together so seeing her that afternoon was a lovely surprise and then she opened her mouth. She had a cleft in her uvula, a birth defect so I wasn’t sure if I’d heard correctly. But she said it. Over and over and over again. She even wrote it down for me. Can you imagine. My love, my Eternal love, gone. Hanged himself in his apartment. We’d done our introduction and we had finally decided what color the asoebi was going to be. 

But you went and died. And left me. What am I supposed to do now? Where am I supposed to go now?

Well, I’m going to you. I’m smiling as I write this, cause although I know I’m about to commit a grace sin, I don’t mind it much, not if I get to be with you in the afterlife. You see, the blood will seep from my wrists until there is nothing left and I gasp out my last breath, and I’m scared it might all be painful but nothing is more painful than living another day in this word with you my love.