2/2/2023

Farewell Mass.

After getting at best three hours of sleep that night, it was finally 5 am and it was time to go and get my mum for the farewell mass then proceed to Biara, Ogoni. The house was full of relatives, there was food in abundance, and tears in abundance too. I’m sure most of my aunties didn't sleep all night, I met them awake that early preparing for the long journey ahead.

I took my bath quickly and wore the black dress that I had prepared and waited for my brother and uncles. Somehow, they didn't want me to join them at the mortuary, but I had to bully my way down there.

You would think that seeing her in that white box would be the hardest thing that day, but no, it wasn't. She looked so peaceful and beautiful, just like she was just asleep. That day, I did something very very brave, something I didn't know that I had in me. The attendant didn't cover her hair, he said the turban was too small, but I insisted that he try again, I also helped out and we tucked her hair in. The same hair that she sent me a selfie when she made it and three pictures just before she got sick.

The first hardest thing that day was comforting my brother and my aunt. In comforting them, I cried too. Seeing her made it seem so final, like that was really happening and there was nothing we could do. I cried and was inconsolable, but as always I had to draw immense strength to gather myself. Then we had a farewell service at her Department where Students and lecturers gathered and prayed, then we began the journey to Akpabuyo for the farewell mass at Crospil mass center. Hearing the blaring sounds of the ambulance as we followed behind was so painful. I would continue to hear that sound every night for a long time, it was seared in my brain.

The second hardest thing was all the crying going on when we finally got to the church, especially during the lying-in-state. I just couldn't control my tears when my younger siblings all went to see her, I didn't, I couldn't see her again without actually running mad there. Thankfully, I had to go back home to get the box of Wrappers I was requested to bring before mass began and also to locate the driver that would take us on the journey to Biara, my dad’s village where she would be laid to rest. I finally made it inside the church for the mass and it was another beautiful mass. I don't know how, but the hymns and songs they sang at that mass were all hymns she would have picked. I was so pleased and thankful.

After mass, it was time to start our long journey to Rivers State. I was so thankful to have my best friends, and siblings in the same car and I was in constant communication with Bee who couldn't make it to the funeral because she was heavily pregnant at that time. Funnily I didn't cry throughout the long trip, my worry was for us all to arrive safely, and that was all that was on my mind. That journey was riddled with so many challenges like looking for fuel, a burst tire on the hearse, and the multiple Nigerian army roadblocks on the way. But we arrived in Biara safely, and we successfully started the wake keep of songs. I must commend my mum's sisters and friends who showed up and organized so much food and drinks for everyone there. You know it is not a Nigerian burial without entertainment.

However, the third hardest thing was going into the burial parlor to pray the rosary for my mum. At that point, I didn't know which prayer to pray again, but I knew it was time to pray for the repose of her soul, so I prayed the rosary and mumbled prayers. I also talked to her, I can't remember exactly what I said, but I told her not to worry about us and that we would be fine. I stayed there till 3 am until I was asked to go and sleep, it was going to be another long day and we had to do another journey back to Calabar the next day.

The next day we were going to say a final goodbye to her.