As a 10 year old, when you hear the words "imperial leather", what comes to mind?

Well this is a story about how I discovered the soap brand.

On a particularly chill Thursday evening we had a visitor, an elderly pastor friend of the family that had come to stay with us, a very nice man, I mean our fridge is was always full because of his gifts and other goodies he'd bring from work [an offshore rig] anyways it was getting late and he discovered he left his soap where he was coming from, so as the last born of the house obligatory houseboy I was sent to get him his soap.

Now I had no idea about him forgetting any of his bathing necessities and all I heard was my mum shouting my name and then I'm told -

"Femi go and buy imperial leather", it was 7pm, I was in the middle of reading a good story book and 10 year old me was ready to collect imperial leather..literally.. because for some reason I thought I was going to collect high grade leather[I had just rewatched 'The Gladiator' that afternoon, don't blame me] . So getting there and asking for my imperial leather and getting a bar of soap in red packet did my brain in for a quick second

Now let me clarify something - as a kid I read a lot of history[and mythology]... practically buried myself in it, be it Greek, Roman, Chinese, Japanese... you name it, it was all in my head.

So being handed a bar of soap felt...insulting because you know "imperial" leather. Then a voice in my head [yes I've had the voices since I was a child] brought up a bright idea - what if the leather meant a bag because you know "Nigerian speak" turns polythene bag into leather. So I asked the shop girl, are you sure it isn't a bag.. Like "leather". She looks at me with this eye that practically said "who sent this one now?" I received a very rude "No" followed by "oboy if you don't know what you want go back and ask" Chai, see insult upon injury, I didn't receive imperial grade material and you're still telling me I don't know what I want, do you even know what you're selling, with a frustrated hiss I leave and I'm going back to the house, money in hand thinking about how I didn't get my precious leather because you know. I needed quality material.

So I reach the house and I go to report my case

Me: they did not have imperial leather

Him : are you sure? did you ask well?

Me : I did, and they gave me soap

Him: *stunned silence*

Me : *still looking*

Him :...eh ehn it's soap nau

Me: hmmm?

Him: imperial leather... Is soap...to bathe

Me : *internal panic* ah

Him : what did you think it was

Me : well.. ummm... leather material?

Then he goes inside and brings out an old soap pack, red and cream coloured with "imperial leather" written on it and moves it to my face, "take it" he says and at that moment if I could turn red I would,

I look up to see him trying to hold in his laughter at my expense and then he explains that it's soap brand and I go back and get it.

Now to call this a walk of shame would be an understatement, I go back there, the shop girl sees me her expression changes into something unpleasant, I say curtly "give me the soap", I hand her the money and collect my imperial leather and head back home to find this man and my parents laughing about my situation because how can your child be so knowledgeable in world history[we had a big world history book I had read cover to cover twice between age 8-10] but he has no idea what soap brands they sell at his street and people around him use.

Well that's how I discovered the brand called "imperial leather"

Author's note: you can play a drinking game where you take a shot everytime you see "imperial leather". Haha

Oh and I personally feel like they missed out on a good joke because they could've easily called it Imperial "lather" lol get it? Lather... because soap?.. 👀.

No?

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