I just wanted to do something nice and remarkable for myself on my 25th birthday. But, along the line, the dream of becoming an author suddenly fades off after my brother launched his'. 

Not what you're thinking!

He did not talked me out of my dream, but I just realized somethings during the book launch as pointed out by the invited guests which made me to conclude that "you don't just jump into a river to catch a fish because you're a fisher man, you learn to swim first!"

I wasn't sure if that was what I truly wanted or, probably just to be noticed.

Being a writer doesn't mean you have to publish a book, it is not a must, before I can be seen or heard (I can create a stage out of any space and build my own audience).

My dream of becoming an author was obviously not because of my brother, it was a dream long conceived and nurtured inside of me for over six year.

But....there's something I learnt during my brother's book launch that made me have a second thought regarding this publication and I doubt if I was actually ready for it.

I realized that I see being an author as an achievement, but I do not want to dish out nonsense out there.

There are many books authored by many, but only few authors are being read, because of the value they have to offer! Not for publicity nor profit! They have a voice and ideas worth sharing!

Though I craved to publish a book, I have no slight idea of what it means to be an author nor how to go about it, means of finance for the publication was zero, no review by anybody and no particular targeted audience.

So, how am I supposed to put myself out there, when I'm lost inside of me?....

After several deliberation with myself inside of me, I concluded that there's always a tomorrow. I will use today to add flesh to my works, make adequate research in preparation, read other people's work, meet people, have an intellectual conversation to broaden my horizon all on a fresh paper like a child who have no idea of where he's headed to. 

I will start a fresh, craft my dreams on the template of my heart, nurture it with care like a premature baby receiving care from his mother's bosom until it grows ripe enough to be dished out to the world.