There are many things in life that’ll catch you by surprise, like, a dying love, a dying friend who makes really good jokes of her demise till you never see her again, like, having insecurities about things you swore didn’t matter to you, and maybe living in a dying country or a country that wishes you were dead and never existed.

It is barely 1:12am and your phone falls off your hand for the second time in 10 minutes whilst waiting for his reply to your “you’ll come right?” your battle with sleep is only a speck of dust compared to the battle with Femi. It is Femi’s way to always shy away from going to any place that is not his room with you, but PDA is your thing you did not dump your sponge wig for this wig your sister let you have for 8k plus the “beg beg fag” she called you untop just to be visiting Femi in his house.

Tomorrow is Joy’s birthday and there must be a change, your oppressors must be oppressed, there are a million screenshots on your phone you hope to recreate tomorrow, you explain all these in a 12mins voice note and send to Femi before you lost the war to sleep again. This time your phone falls from the height you held it to text onto your delicate lips; you hiss a little and then grab your phone again only to see that Femi has a new text story on Whatsapp, “who no get heart no suppose love” and a notification that he is typing…Yes! A million fireworks explodes in your head, your heart races a little then it intensifies as you look at the black dress you plan on wearing and another million fireworks explode in your head again, you are finally living the life your dad thought you would never have.

You stare into the mirror and give a little jig, twirl, admiring the reflection of yourself in the black dress and by the gap in the dress you trace the scars on your back, the ones you got from your dad but o well. Confidence wraps around you like a warm embrace, a stark contrast to the cold uncertainty that accompanied your past relationships. Femi's text story resonates in your mind, echoing the sentiment of a heart that dares to love again.

The day had come, at Joy's party. The night lingers as you and Femi stroll through the city's quiet streets, hand in hand. Yet, in the midst of the celebration, there's a subtle tension in the air. Femi's gaze holds a hint of uncertainty, and you sense a storm brewing beneath the surface.

As you reach a dimly lit alley, Femi hesitates, breaking the comfortable silence. His words carry a weight you didn't expect, revealing a struggle within him. "I need to be honest," he begins, and your heart skips a beat. Femi expresses the weight of societal expectations, the fear of judgment, and the toll it might take on both of you.

The scars from your past, the echoes of your father's disapproval, cast a shadow over your newfound happiness. The vibrant colors of the rainbow the seem to fade into muted tones as Femi calls it quits, leaving you grappling with the harsh reality that societal acceptance may remain elusive.

You feel the weight of your father's disapproval like a heavy chain, and the thought of returning to the closet crosses your mind. The fear of being gay and unhappy in a world that rejects your authenticity becomes a haunting again.