I’m not sure if I’m an Olivia Rodrigo fan or I just like her music, occasionally. Jealousy, jealousy is one of my favorites. But only on a recent walk did I really pay attention to the lyrics. “All i see is what I should be; happier, prettier, jealousy, jealousy” 

As 2023 was ending, everyone and their daddies were writing year-in-reviews, me included. It was my first time writing one of those, and I felt I was writing my own version of Spotify wrapped with songs I was ashamed of showing up. Writing the year in review is not the thing that makes you feel inadequate; nope, that part is reserved for reading other people’s year in reviews.

The hardest part of a year ending is all the reminiscing that comes with it, all the “this is what I achieved in this year, what did you achieve?” with that aggressive pointing emoji. What did I achieve? I was alive, please. But even as I type it out, I know that is not true. The words from my own year-in-review are playing in my head. I did do things. I did so much stuff I had to change my Twitter bio to ‘I do stuff’. Why then do I feel like I didn’t do enough?

Take away my crippling fear of failure and the overwhelming sense of inadequacy. Reading the summary of other people’s years shouldn’t make me feel like I should delete all traces of myself from the internet and go live in Siberia. Social media is a very interesting phenomenon. Everyone tells you to put your best foot forward, and you do. But in comparing yourself to other people, you also forget that they also put their best foot forward, and you do not know the failures.

I particularly like Emmanuel Faith’s year-in-review, especially the part where he says, “I will win, soon. When I do, please don’t believe that I shot once and won. I have felt inadequate, stayed up all night, and wished for tears to come. I have spent 280 hours on an application that didn’t work out. I have failed a lot more than I have succeeded. Please do not ignore the backstory.” 

The part you see is the tip of the iceberg, the pain, the struggles, the tears, the parts under the ocean make up the major part of the story. Try to remember that when your brain tells you that you should be like someone else. 

On a personal note, I am trying to ignore my brain and settle in the thought that my best is good enough, at least for a while. I could be better, but I can never be someone else.