It was during moments like this you wished you didn’t exist. Moments when you were the patent reason behind your mother’s torture. Uyai was lying right beside you on the mat, her gaze was fixed on the battered ceiling, her eyes leaked out tears and her lips moved incoherently as she kept mumbling how she was eager to do anything to make your father stop. You were quiet. You wish you could say the same. You would have cried too if your tears hadn’t been frozen by guilt. Unlike Uyai, you knew why your mother rebelled. You knew why your father was now consequently pummelling her in their bedroom even after he swore never to do it again a few weeks ago. You overheard her telling Mama Ima all about it in the afternoon when she came to buy vegetables. 

As Mama’s wails heightened, so did the grief in your heart. You wished you weren’t the centre of it all. You wished everything didn’t rest on a decision you had to make, one you weren’t ready to. You wished you never wore off your mental protective gear. Ignorance.

****

The girl’s grave was a few stone’s throw from your house. You’ve passed by it a million times but this was the very first time your feet pulled you to an abrupt halt right before it. Memories of her resurfaced within your recollection as you read the words on her small gravestone. She wasn’t the first money wife you knew but she was the one who lived rent-free in your mind. You could still remember how you and the other kids watched her with amused interest as she made a scene almost every morning. She would either run from her husband’s house to pose in front of the gate of the community school —where she was once the head girl before her father sold her off— and beg for people to help her as they walked past her or run back to her family’s house. Her father would then chase her back to her husband’s house. “Have you forgotten what you were taught? A money wife is dead to her previous family”. He would say as he whipped her with his long, thick belt. Your mother said she acted that way because she was scared of giving birth to the child she was already pregnant with. You said nothing in response. You could understand her fears. Mama was the strongest woman you knew but she still screamed and wailed like a baby when she pushed Uyai out of her. This girl didn’t even look capable of cutting firewood. She would first break into two before the wood does. That’s why it was no surprise to you when your mother came home a week later and announced that the girl later died during labour. Some results were just too easy to predict. 

You tried not to give in to the questions luring your mind as you kept staring at her name on the gravestone but it was fruitless. They were so many things you were dying to know. Where was she and what was she doing at the moment? Was she with the gods? Some people said she died with a bright smile on her face. Does that mean she’s happy now?

Something wet touched your cheek. You were crying. Not for her but for yourself because you knew it was only a matter of time before you ended up like her. 

****

His scar was the first thing you noticed about him. It was right in the middle of his back; faded, wide and round like the dysfunctional wall clock in your living room. The question budged to the tip of your tongue. You wanted to ask what happened to him but you bit back the intrusive words. You didn’t even know what he looked like yet. You hadn’t seen his face. 

He was too busy aiming his sling at the bird perched on the Iroko tree to notice that you were a few steps behind him. This was the first time you were meeting a boy beside the stream. Boys didn’t have any business with streams. 

When he was sure of his aim, he fired and then, squealed, bouncing on his toes as the bird dropped to the floor. A wide smile stretched your lips as you watched him jubilate. He rushed to pick up the bird and stalled when he turned and finally saw you, standing there, watching and smiling at him like a fool. You felt your smile drop as you inwardly cringed. You just made a fool of yourself.  

“How long have you been standing there?”

“I just got here”. You lied. “What happened to your back?” You couldn’t decide whether it was curiosity or embarrassment that finally extruded that question which posed defiantly at the tip of your tongue.

“I fell”.

“Are you new here?”

“Why do you ask?”

“I haven’t seen you before”. 

“You know everyone in this village?” The small smile that pulled at his lips made something else manifest to you. His face had one thing in common with the hibiscus flowers in front of Aunty Unek’s house that always seized your attention whenever you go to visit her with mother and Uyai. You could stare at it all day and your body wouldn’t dare complain. 

“No”. You wanted to tell him you haven’t seen any boy in Beecheve with a face like his but you were scared of how he would react to that. 

“My father lost his job so we had to move back to the village to survive”.

“I’m sorry about that”. 

“Thank you. What is your name?”

“Akemi. What is yours?”

“John”.

His eyes fell to the bucket in your hand and that was when you remembered your mother was waiting for you. You started to move towards the stream but he stopped you and took the bucket from you.

“Let me help you”. He offered. 

And as you stood there, watching him scoop water from the stream into the bucket, you felt a fuzzy tingling ripple through your chest, a vivid sign that something in your life was about to change in a way you would like. 

****

You were six the first time your father raised his hand on your mother. The memory was one that forever remained etched into your mind because that was what birthed the sheer hatred you felt for your father. That was when you realized that he was more of a heartless villain than the hero you thought he was. He’d found a strand of hair in the soup your mother cooked and threw the hot soup on her face before he started beating her up for trying to kill him. You stood there motionless with your hands draped over Uyai’s eyes as you watched everything happen. All you could think about was the amount of time and money your mother spent. She’d made a lot of sales from her vegetables and decided to prepare his favourite meal. You consoled her after everything ended. Uyai did too. Your father came back the next day with mama’s favourite seafood. Crabs. That was his way of offering his apology. Your mother didn’t mind. She couldn’t even mask her joy as she took it from him, sighing her gratitude. She probably thought that would be the last time. 

If only she had known. 

****

Batman was his favourite superhero. He loved cakes and meat. He was an expert in mathematics. He could recite the thirty-six Nigerian states and capital and the multiplication times table with ease. You knew him just like you knew the lines sprawled on your palm. The stream was now your favourite place in the village. You always prayed mama wouldn’t catch you using excess water to cook and wash the dirty plates so it would finish faster. You were always disappointed whenever you didn’t find him at the stream. It was enough to ruin your day. You were obsessed. Uyai said it wasn’t healthy but you paid no attention to her. She was just thirteen. She was too young to understand the kind of feelings he effortlessly provoked from you. How he made you laugh. How he knew the right words to say at every given time. How he made you forget the doom was fast approaching you. 

“Why don’t you go to school?”

You were both seated on the ground, eating the meat he'd sneaked over for you. “My mother prepared more than enough so I wanted to share it with you”. He’d said. You were so touched, you didn’t cry but you knew your heart latched unto this moment.

“My father stopped me”. 

“Why?”

“He could no longer pay my school fees”.

“I’m sorry”. 

“Don’t be”. You told him. There was nothing for him to be sorry about. It wasn’t his fault. 

“I can teach you what I learn in school if you want”.

“I want”. 

“Okay. I want to be an engineer in future. What about you?”

You gave no response. Not because you didn’t know. You did. You wanted to be an actress. You admired them whenever you watched them on the TV in the town hall and you knew you could do what they did. Your teacher even said it after you played the role of Imabong, the wicked stepmother at the school graduation ceremony. She asked you to give acting a chance. You promised her you would. 

But that was when you could dream. When you were sure you still had a future. 

You could feel the sadness creeping up your veins, threatening to settle in your mind and you knew you had to change the topic. You didn’t want to ruin this precious moment. You didn’t want him to know that you would be a money wife soon. You went on to compliment his shirt. “It’s beautiful and it looks good on your skin”, you said. He gave an all-knowing smile in response. You were sure he noticed you didn’t want to talk about it and you were grateful he let it slide.

****

Your mother was limping. There was a slight bruise on the right side of her face and her left eye was swollen. Guilt compelled your eyes away from her marred face to your hands on your laps. You felt selfish because you wanted her to continue fighting for you despite how bad she looked. Uyai was having her bath in the toilet so it was just you and her in your room. She lowered herself to the mat and touched your arm, squeezing it lightly. Tears filled your eyes. She was saying everything her mouth was too heavy to say through that touch and you hated that you understood every single thing. She didn’t have any fight left in her again and so she was apologizing for failing you. She was apologizing for accepting defeat. She was saying goodbye. She wanted you to stay strong. You wished you could tell her it was alright just like you always did in the past. You wished you could promise her that you’ll stand strong. But your mouth couldn’t make a sound. You fell to your mat immediately after she left the room. You didn’t know you were capable of producing that amount of tears. You cried till your throat and your cheeks hurt. You wanted to know what you did to deserve this. You wanted to know why you were about to lose everything. Your family. Your love. Your life. 

****

Uyai was the visual representation of her name. Beauty. You were pretty but she was prettier. She had the kind of smile that could light up any room. Her tone was uniformly gentle. Her aura was magnetic. She had that natural ability to weave herself into the number one spot in everyone’s favourite person list. But you were still surprised when Chief Odudu pointed his thin fingers towards her. He chose her as his money-wife. You waited for the relief and happiness to come but instead, you were met with a strong feeling of dread raking through your bones, threatening to shatter you to pieces. Chief Odudu was the richest man in Beecheve but he was also the dirtiest. He was always itching his armpit and that part between his legs. His mouth smelt like he stored dead rats there. You imagined her lying beside someone like that. You imagined her carrying his child. Your past anxiety vanished and all of a sudden, you wanted it to be you. You were older than Uyai. Although you were just sixteen —too young to cater for a home— you were old enough to endure the tragedy that followed being a money wife compared to her. You needed to save her. 

You tried to convince them to pick you instead but your father slapped you and ordered you to shut up. His snarl didn’t scare you. Not when Uyai was there, seated beside the Chief, visibly shivering and cowering in fear. You did the only thing you knew you could do then. You fought for her. You cried as you wrestled against your father’s arms, ignoring the painful sting of his blows as he tried to force you to calm down. He pulled out his belt and started whipping you. Maybe in another life, when your sister wasn’t about to be a money wife, you would have stopped fighting him so he would stop beating you. You forced yourself out of his grip and ran to the Chief. You kept your eyes on him as you sank your teeth into his arm. No one could remove your teeth from him. You didn’t let them. You only did when you felt a hard force to your stomach that almost ejected your intestines out of your mouth. Your father had punched you so hard, you saw stars. Your vision was reduced to blurredness. You could taste your own blood against your tongue. You tried to assure yourself that this was all a dream as darkness consumed you. Everything will be alright when you wake up. 

****

The world revolved around your father. It took you sixteen years to realize that. He controlled everything, even down to the peace of the house. The house was quiet now that he was satiated. You could hear the sound of him humming on the veranda from your room. You wondered how he could do that. His daughter was surely going through hell in the hands of that sixty-five-year-old man and he was here humming. You wouldn’t be surprised if you tear up his body and discover that he had no heart in him. You loathed him. You hadn’t greeted him since Uyai left and he didn’t care. Your muscles were still sore from how he rough-handed you while you fought for his own daughter. Your mother hadn’t left her room since. You weren’t sure she had eaten since that day. You weren’t sure she had managed to stay a day without crying. 

You tried not to think about Uyai. She came to your thoughts often but you always chased her away. You feared you would run mad if you let her stay. You needed to stay sane if you wanted to save her. You knew you would. You just had to figure out how. 

****

His smile faded when he saw you and you knew exactly why. You knew how dishevelled you looked. Something changed in his eyes as they watched you approach him. You weren’t expecting him to do what he did next. You never thought he would rush to you and force you into his arms. They were so warm, they pushed out all the tears you had been suppressing. He allowed you to empty your tears on his chest before he led you to sit with him, beside the stream. His eyes narrowed when they didn’t find any bucket in your hands. You didn’t come to fetch water. You came here to clear your head. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

You nodded and told him everything without any form of hesitation. He looked like he was about to cry with you when you were done.  

“I thought they said that stupid tradition no longer existed”. 

“They lied”.

“I hate your father”. 

“I hate him more”. 

He jumped from the seat with a yelp and you rushed to him, your nerves at alarm. 

“What happened?”

“I think I just got bitten by a soldier ant”. 

The laughter that fell from your lips as you watched him rub his left butt with a grimace on his face, was later submerged by guilt. You shouldn’t be laughing. Not when Uyai was experiencing hell first-hand. Your eyes followed him as he sat back beside you and they caught sight of something in a small wrap beside the two dead birds on the floor.

“What is that?”

“Poison. For killing rats”. 

You stretched your hands towards him and he looked down at them. “Give me some”. 

“Why?”

“Why else? I want to kill rats too”. 

****

“Do you hate me?”

You stopped washing the plates and raised your head to find your mother hovering over you. Her wrapper was loosely tied around her thin chest. Her brown skin had lost its usual satiny and her black eyes were now vacant. 

“Why would I ever hate you?”

“I wouldn’t have brought you and Uyai to this world if I knew this would happen”. 

“It’s not your fault. You tried your best”. The faded bruises on her face were enough proof. “Were you a money wife too?”

She shook her head. “But my elder sister was. She was eleven when she was sold off. My father owed the chief just like your father did. He owed him six thousand naira”. 

“What did your mother do?”

“She supported my father. She joined the Chief and his brothers to hold her down so the Chief could sleep with her. I never saw her since she left. My father said I and my sisters weren’t allowed to visit her. It was against the tradition”. 

“Why us, Mama?” 

She gave you no answer but the shift in her eyes apprised you of the obvious. There was no answer to your question because it was never asked. 

Your tongue itched in your mouth. You wanted to tell her you were going to see Uyai tomorrow when all the men in the village had gathered for the town meeting but you decided against it. Your mother would not allow you. Not only because she was scared but also because she was trying to protect you. You’d already earned a page in Chief Odudu’s bad books when you bit the skin off his arm. You wished you cared. 

****

There was a mad woman at the village town square. Her nickname was Aunty Ameobo (talkative). She always chased children whenever she saw them, especially the ones she saw with sweets and biscuits. Your mother said she ran mad because she disobeyed the gods. She talked to some missionaries who came to the community even after she swore in the shrine that she wouldn’t talk to them. She wanted the missionaries to save her sister’s child who was about to be sold off to one of the chiefs who already had six money wives.

At first, you thought the lady approaching you was Aunty Ameobo’s younger sister. It was only when you looked closely that you realized that it was Uyai. You stopped in your tracks as a great tremor overtook you. You dropped to your feet and wept. She walked up to you and hugged you. She was crying too. You comforted her. She comforted you too and assured you that she was fine. But you knew she wasn’t fine from the way she looked. Not with her tattered hair, her clothes ripped like rags and her arms covered in what looked like belt marks. She wanted to tell you everything she’d been through but you stopped her. Your heart wouldn’t be able to take it.

She told you she was about to prepare egusi soup for the Chief. You couldn’t help but smile. Uyai hated egusi soup. The gods were definitely working in your favour. There were no two ways about it. You asked her to rest and volunteered to help her cook. She agreed. You did a very clean job, all you waited for was a clean result. 

****

Your father was the first to hear the news. He rushed to the house the next day with panicked eyes. 

“They’re dead”. He said. 

Your mother was the first to react.

 She wrenched her wrapper from her chest and rolled on the floor, screaming and wailing. 

“I hope you’re not crying over Uyai”. 

“Why would you say that?”

“Because she was the one that prepared the food that killed them. The chief priest said they died from food poisoning. Your daughter is a murderer. She deserved it”. 

Your mother lost it. She did what she had never done before. She fought back. She picked the first thing she could lay her hands on and threw it at your father. It was plywood. It landed straight on his nose and blood dripped from it. He started marching towards her, probably to give her the beating of her life but it wasn’t the knife in her hands that stopped him in his tracks. It was the look in her eyes. They were lethal. 

He could see that she was about to do something she might end up regretting. Or not. 

****

You would have cared about the snoopy eyes that followed you if Uyai was still alive. You would have stood right in front of everyone and defended her till your very last breath. You would have stopped beside the girl that just clucked her tongue at you as you walked past her and shook her till she believed you. No one called you the money’s wife sister again. It was too late to care about that. Nothing interested you anymore. You had Uyai’s blood was on your hands.

If only you could turn back the hands of time. All you did was try to save her. You didn’t know she no longer had the luxury to select food. 

****

He was staring blankly at the stream when you arrived. You hadn’t seen him for weeks now. His demeanour was different. Cold. Stiff. Austere. Stony. It reminded you of Harmattan. He didn’t smile at you. He didn’t help you fetch the water. The gaze he passed your way occasionally was cold enough to freeze every nerve in your body. Finally, his aim hit the birds and he picked them up, placed them in his bag and started to leave. You stopped him. You just lost Uyai, you couldn’t lose him too. He jerked away when your hands touched his like you had something hot on them. 

“Why are you ignoring me?”

“You were the one who poisoned them right?”

You staggered back as those words left his lips. You started to wonder how he figured that out but then you remembered how smart he was. He was the same guy who knew the governor’s full name. The one who taught you things you had never heard before. Of course, he would have found out right from when you asked him for some of the poison. You opened your mouth to explain everything but he wouldn’t even let you speak.

“You’re a monster, Akemi”. He said. 

You expected your heart to shatter at that statement but all you felt was a blended mix of disgust and betrayal because at that moment you realized how much of a fool you had been. The boy who you studied and understood more than any book you’d ever come across didn’t even have the slightest idea of who you were.