December is bad for dating, You'll whisper seated in the midst of friends at a New Year's Eve party on the beach dancing their way into the new year. 

This is the third time you've zoned out tonight cos the thought of you going into the new year single has once again washed ashore. 

You remember you wrote it down at the beginning of the third quarter. "Get a partner" beside a cute square box you hoped to tick soon. "How hard could it be?" 

It wasn't merely hard, it proved to be bloody difficult. Whoever said the streets were rough was being nice because, at the end of a terrible dating year, there were still no words for her to describe it. Maybe a sentence or two but a word would never suffice.

By November the box was still without a tick and you began to worry. How would you look? 

You had bragged to her friends that this would be an easy feat, a mere feather on your enormous cap of achievements. Time was running out but you were ready. 

The dating scene was changing again, some newbies were about to be introduced. Like those who had been out for a while due to their committed relationships, but had failed to realize that the last to propose was truly the fool, would be back. Those who stood at the altar early this year, reciting vows to their lovestruck partners soon figured out that forever was indeed a long time and decided to take a wee break. 

You were on the prowl, ready to conquer. So you spent all of November prepping yourself for the busy social season. You planned it all, the outfits, the venues, even the rapid-fire questions that'll tell you all you need to know about your prospect in ten minutes. There was no time to waste, come December you'd tick that box.

But Chinny the bi-curious, was an adventurous 24-year-old who wasn't ready to be in a relationship. In her own words, "I'm not even sure I like women". Jessica the IJGB was still hung up on her ex and only paid the expensive airfare to Lagos to try to make her jealous.

Martin, the shy guy you met at an office Christmas party you weren't invited to, was too much of a nymph to be tied down. He laughed when you suggested it. He had just started to get the attention of "bad bitches" and wanted to explore. 

There were a lot more, like the 40-year-old guy who suggested you have the first date at his house. But you got there and found out you were Anita, his year-old, long-distance girlfriend who he was ready to introduce to the family. You'd been ushered to the kitchen by his mother to prove your wifely worth and observe a minute silence for the banging outfit you lost in that kitchen. 

There was also Tunde whose bark was bigger than his bite. He was on a mission of his own; to reach his sex quota of the year and extend the orgasm gap further. Your body still hasn't recovered from that romp. 

And Yadi who spent the entire date glancing at her phone and requesting many minutes to attend to her boss. You hope she added "healthy work/life balance" to her New Year's resolution.

What exactly were you thinking? December is terrible for dating.