December is bad for dating.

Either that or I should have known that getting a red eye 15 seconds into a first date was a bad omen. I had just shut the door after Mosun got in and went around to the other side to join her in the back seat of the Uber ride. She shifted towards me and whispered "you smell good" in my ear.

"Well, thank you. Your hair looks nice."

"I know right?" She said and did a hair flap like they do in hair products commercials. A couple strands beat my blinking eye and made contact with my left eyeball. It was December 19 and harmattan was in full swing and as expected, every bruise hurt twice as much and left an exaggerated mark.

"Oh I'm so sorry, Isaac."

"It's okay," I said.

"Let me see it, are you hurt?"

As she inspected my eye, the cab driver inspected us both via his rearview mirror.

Three weeks ago, Mosun and I met on Twitter and soon extended our chats to WhatsApp and phone calls. I was working with an NGO in Maiduguri and she was a youth corps member serving in Lagos. When I informed her my friend was getting married in Lagos by December and that I'd be in attendance, her response was "Oh wow! I'll be spending Christmas here too."

And so a date was sealed.

It was now a few minutes to six in the evening and we were initially headed for Ofada Boy in Surulere, because she was craving ofada rice, but we had to make a quick stop at a pharmacy to get an antibiotic eye drop. 

The restaurant was packed when we got there about an hour later. One thing about December, you're going to have lots of company almost everywhere you go. The only available table was set right in front of an overzealous air conditioner. Mosun was wearing a short, armless chiffon gown with sneakers and so it wasn't a surprise when she started hugging herself. That was my cue to surrender my jacket.

Not long after, my teeth began to chatter but I did my best to conceal it.

Our next stop was the cinema to watch "Let It Snow." Mosun wouldn't stop running commentary because she had seen it. In hindsight, I shouldn't have let her pick the movie. A number of irritated heads kept turning in our direction but my date was not to be deterred.

When the movie finally ended, I was eager to return to the tranquility of my hotel room bed.

"Who will now take me to the concert nau?" Mosun was saying to her phone as we exited the cinema complex. She had one hand wrapped around my elbow region while her other hand pinned her phone to her ear. A quick glance at my watch and I saw it was ten minutes past 10pm.

After the call, I learned she had two Ruger concert tickets in her possession previously meant for her cousin and herself. He was now unable to attend because he was under the weather. That meant she needed a new plus one as she didn't want to go alone.

"Please come with me," she pleaded. "It'd be fun, I promise."

"Maybe some other time, dear. It wasn't in my plan to stay out concert-late today. And all the AC I absorbed at the restaurant has left me a bit feverish."

"Aww not you too. Come here."

She wrapped her arms around my neck and delicately trapped my upper lip between both her lips in a lip lock. Her mouth was warm, perhaps from all the yapping she was doing in the cinema. Her lip gloss flavor did its bit to contribute to the enjoyment.

"Feel better?" She asked. And like magic, I actually did.

In typical style, the main artist was running a little late. So we had to vibe to the DJ and ingest some alcohol to kill time at the concert venue. 

The main show finally kicked off and a couple of minutes into Ruger's performance, he somehow fished out Mosun from the crowd and they performed "Girlfriend" together. Maybe I was drunk but it looked to me that his hands were all over the place without any restriction from her. I was far from impressed so I headed for the exit.

My Uber arrived a little too early around 2.30am but I didn't mind. Mid journey, the driver parked unexpectedly at a quiet street and pointed a gun at me long enough for two passengers to open the back seat doors and flanked me. I was then driven somewhere remote and stripped of my ATM cards.

"Bros no vex, na Christmas money we dey find," they explained.

After I volunteered my pin at gun point, one of them left with the cards and withdrew all my money. Quick loans were also taken on my behalf.

When they eventually released me, I found my way to a police station and called my friend Tolani, the intending groom. He located me and helped me file an official complaint which we only had one percent faith in.