I have looked at all the synonyms, explored summaries to its thinnest, most unrecognizable form. I have rephrased paragraphs, lines, words and wished I could do the same to alphabets. I hate to break it to me but there is really no comfortably mild way to put this. Anger, loneliness, sadness, embarrassment, hurt, happiness, excitement, irritation, etc are all big enough feelings to have outgrown being categorized under indifference.

In trying not to come off as too much or too little, I keep chipping off bits from the wholesome living experience I am made for. Surely, there are times when just like Billie Eilish, I too do not know how to feel. I like times like these because "I feel indifferent" feels very light to utter. Feeling and expressing indifference is almost like anonymous visibility - knowing someone is there but not knowing who.

I know I will appreciate having a different,more eventful living experience. Perhaps, this is merely a self-awareness check, to be sure I am still visible to myself, albeit unseen to others.