"Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?" 

A meaningless question in several contexts. Odd, unrelated, a kids show.

Do you ever feel unheard? Like you're screaming at the top of your voice but they can't hear you. Unseen? Even when you've laid out the deepest parts of yourself. 

Do you feel disappointed that you speak your language and they don't understand?

Alternatively, there are the ones with whom you share secret laughter; A moment of eye contact and you're both rolling on the floor, leaving everyone else puzzled. The ones you never have to explain your jokes to. They can seamlessly recreate the bombastic side eye. They can successfully raise just one eyebrow as well. You bond over similarities, understanding and what my friend and I like to call equal “mental wavelength”. 

We refer to a deep mental connection.

A meeting of minds.

When in sync, it's a beauty.

A mismatch on the other hand drains. You go explain tire, no evidence. Sarcasm? What’s that? 

In such cases of dissimilarity, the answer to a seemingly irrelevant and unrelated question becomes a determinant, a defining moment. 

"Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?"

Any answer other than "Spongebob square pants" becomes a horror and you're struck by the realization that maybe you won't get to the end of a certain road with them. They just don't get you.

Why? Let's find out.

I like to think that humans are 40% body mass, 40% experience and 20% mind/IQ. Experience is a result of various factors: Orientation, education, religion, environmental and social factors. These factors disconnect as much as they unite. 

Understanding is a pillar of effective communication and contextually, age and social orientation are the biggest bars. Effective communication matters the most in intimate/close knit relationships. Everyone wants their person to understand them. You will find that the factors below play the most significant role in shaping these relationships. 

Age and the Spongebob theory.

Often, you'd find that in communication with older people, you can't seem to get your point across. The little things that shaped their behaviours and social patterns faded long before you graced the earth. 

Who cares who lives in some pineapple under the sea? What does a kids show have to do with a relationship between two people who found grace in different aspects of each other? 

Although seemingly trivial, mental connections go a long way in establishing deep bonds and healthy relationships. Unfortunately, humans are bound by individually unique stories and it’s the ‘tower of babel’ situation all over again.

The reality is that not everyone operates on the same frequency. The result? Miscommunication, misunderstanding, disagreement - fancy words for conflict.  

Age appears to be one of the biggest factors influencing relationships. Like minds often exist within the same age bracket and a connection leaves you feeling validated.

What's your metric? 

For me, it’s the Spongebob thing.

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?  

Random, silly even, but effective enough to weed. The Spongebob theory connotes the ability to relate to seemingly inconsequential concepts, attention to details and most importantly, youth.

It's an identifier. A secret passcode to a particular tribe, the underlying factor being age. It is a pointer to similarities and community. People in certain generations may never relate to certain things. What could a boomer possibly know about Squidward? 

Orientation.

Sometimes, it’s not age. Cultural and socio-economic differences keep people miles away from each other. In this context, the difference between a child who grew up watching Barney and another who lived without a television are starkly clear. Things like exposure, privilege, education and upbringing become barriers. 

These things define people in ways they may never know. Again, they disunite, as much as they unite. 

What does all this matter? 

Everyone complains about people not getting their jokes.

“Why do I have to write in full? Why do I have to backtrack or explain sarcastic comments? Why are others so offended by dark humor?”

Consider this an insight to how our unique experiences shape us and our relationships with others. 

Because man does not live in isolation, he spends the better part of his early days searching for his tribe, for like minds, people who understand, people who can relate. 

Very few people in life operate on the same frequencies and in most cases, the secret recipe to healthy relationships is similar mental wavelengths.

Not everyone finds a “mental wave length” partner. Certain things will always mean more to certain people than others and some will have no meaning at all. 

Some appear to have hacked the code, finding peace in the inevitable hollow created by varying wavelengths. Embracing the lapses, shortages and occasional miscommunication.

Should mental wavelengths define relationships? 

A lot of factors contribute to healthy relationships and not all are hinged upon seamless mental connections. People connect for different reasons. 

The Spongebob theory of relationship dynamics reaffirms that people of like minds and similar experiences have greater chances of bonding and maintaining healthy relationships than people who are worlds apart.

At the core of this theory is self awareness, adaptability and the willingness to evolve. 

If ever in doubt, find a like mind.