I sometimes feel lonely and dissatisfied with my company. It's kind of ironic because I do love solitude and the simplicity of being alone. I've been doing a lot of introspection of recent (maybe too much), and I've come to an almost scary realization that I crave companionship. I have a sudden intense desire to simply exist with someone I'm in love with. I don't like to say I'm desperate to experience the feeling of comfort that the companionship of a relationship brings, but I think I am. As hard as it is to admit, I do want to experience that companionship.

It's really hard to come to terms with this. I've battled with writing about this realization for months. People love to talk about enjoying your own company, but to be honest, it sometimes gets boring. It's kind of embarrassing to admit and may seem insane to you, but this is what my reality looks like. As an introvert, I'm not in a phase of needing social recharge, I just want that one person that I can share anything and everything with. I want someone I can talk to about everything that makes me happy, the things that make me sad and all that falls in between. I want to be intrigued by a person and have them reciprocate that feeling. I want to simply love someone and have them love me back. I want someone that wants the same things and more with me.

I haven't experienced what it's like to love a person, although I have come close to it. I've never been in love, but I know it is scary. I also know that it's going to be overwhelming at first, but I'll love to believe that love becomes calmer the longer it stays with you. I can't wait to experience the calmness that love brings and hope it remains one that lasts forever.

11:33pm

September 9th, 2023