It was a cold and cloudy day , as I arrived at my work place for the business of the day. In my usual manner, I spent a little time in the car, said some words of thanksgiving and then proceeded to meet up with my students.

I silently walked through the pavement leading to the lecture halls as I preconceived in my head the best possible way to navigate the day’s lecture.

My world of thoughts was however cut short with a rude and rush full hit to my shoulder . I exclaimed in anger, young lady, watch where you are going and in return, she apologized and humbly walked away .

For few seconds I was lost in thought again, but this time it had nothing to do with lecture of anything of such. I was taken apart by the lady that had just brushed my shoulder in a rush. She was elegantly and stylishly dressed, the melanin in her skin glowed effortlessly and her pretty face was so endearing all I did was to stare as she hastily moved away from me.

I could not help but wonder who she was, as a lecturer, I had just completed my masters and was few months into lecturing and so this was like a setback in terms of knowing who was who in the Department.

However, I proceeded to lecture, but then, i noticed that the flare and Aura with which I usually dispense my lecture was missing, I immediately sensed that my mindset was distracted which was why I could not deliver my usual output. I had to cut short teaching my students and ended most classes for the day before the actual time.

The day was already far spent , it was rush hour time where almost all the university staff leave for their different homes at the same time, this was the period when ones mental alertness is heightened because of the long traffic of cars and humans.

As an individual, I had similar routines , it was like a triangular movement, from work, I go back home, and then maybe to church, and back home. My life was kind of boring but at the same time peaceful. Little did I know that my shoulder brusher was about to spice things up.

The next day , I pulled up at work again, placing my fate on hope to bring my mystery melanin princess my way again. This time, I said to my self ,I will utilize the opportunity if it present itself again. I exchanged pleasantries with a few staff and then proceeded to the space that house my table and chair as I was yet to be allocated a proper office space.

After the first two lectures of the day, it was lunch time break , and I proceeded to fill my tummy up, my tummy was beginning to grumble and I had to take care of it. Salaries had just been paid , a gesture usually taken by the federal government at the end of each month which gladdened my heart. Although the salary was never enough, but it was better that nothing ,after all, half bread is better than none.

I went to one of the nice but affordable fast food joint in school, I ordered the popular Nigerian jellof rice and a sizable protein to accompany it while I washed down my delicious meal with water, as I wasn’t a fan of sodas.

To my amazements, and as fate will have it, melanin princess Aka shoulder brusher walked in, I was a little startled but had to maintain decorum. She immediately recognized me and walked up to my table, with a smile she greeted and persuasively apologized for the happenings of the previous day. I in turn brushed of the dealings of the past day as nothing, I responded to her greetings and requested to know her name which she obliged. Her name name was beauty, and looking at her I was in no doubt as to why her parents called her beauty. Long story short, we exchanged contact and I promised to keep in touch.

I set up a meeting with beauty so that we can get to know ourselves. After so much talking and reveling, I got to find out that she was a final year student in my department although in a different unit.

Now I had an issue. How was I going to convince myself to let go of this. When my appointment letter came, I made a promise to myself that I wasn’t going to get entangled in an intimate relationship with my Female students, I am not gay , so don’t expect me to include my male counterparts. Yet , here was I ,with beauty and from all indication , in no distant time we were heading towards that direction.

After the much needed discovery, we decided to go with the flow. Beauty soon got attached and wanted to spend more time with me. She wanted to know my house, meet my family and all that. I in turn wasn’t ready for all that. In all my gilts and glamour, I was still housed by my parents, even the car I drove wasn’t mine, na borrow pose. In my head I felt it was going to be embarrassing to let the cat out of the bag.

So many what if’s questions began to pop up, how was I going to navigate through this? If I eventually told her , how would her countenance towards me be. Honesty save everyone’s time was my watch word in life, so why was it becoming so difficult to be honest in this situation.

At this point , I was between the devil and the deep blue sea. It was either I keep my secrets and preserve my self respect or I let beauty go or in being honest, I loose both ways, respect gone, beauty also gone.

Hmmm what a dilemma? I however decided to play safe. Little my little I began to withdraw from beauty. The phone calls became less, the physical hangouts reduced drastically, every act of romantic gestures was gone. As days and months went by , the distant grew, we became like strangers again and even when we met at the department we conversed like professional colleagues.

was I happy with how thing went ? Certainly not, it’s just that I realized that sometimes you have to let go of what you want in order to keep what you need.