“An excerpt from the bestselling smashing memoir of the man who, well, saved the earth. Don’t believe me? Buy a copy.” - Ife’s Agent

Book and Life Lessons sold separately.

Coming soon, to a roadside newspaper-stand near you.

“The moment is pretty much set, a lot has been riding on this. I crack my knuckles, setting my fingers properly and, I close my eyes, just for a moment. The act in itself is crucial, as I can feel the calming breeze play, as it moves across my face. I take a deep breath and look towards my target, the completion of which will move the world towards a better future. One without this scourge. But as with every other act in service to the human race, it comes with obstructions and problems.

I’ll be honest, I don’t do well with problems. I literally shut down when I’m frustrated and, sometimes I throw tantrums, get panic attacks, the whole lot. I might scream at the heavens, kick something that will hurt me in the end.

Yeah, a rollercoaster of bad decisions occur when my emotions are at a weird high. I like to see my entire life so far, as long periods of reckless decisions about love, finances, art, and all those things that make life worth living, punctuated by one or two bursts of sane choices, and then, on cue, regularly scheduled reckless choices.

But today, I lay all that aside. I can sense Chaos and Order cheering me on, every planet aligning, every wrong choice being righted, every unfavorable wind being calmed as I line up my target. I can taste the success of this venture in the air and, every muscle in my body is expectant, primed.

I begin the run and, almost immediately, I feel weightless, each step forgotten almost as soon as it is taken. The world is a blur, almost like I’m an actual athlete and, maybe I am. I think maybe, in rare moments scattered across our drab, drone-like lives, these triumphs of superhuman capability emerge. Maybe, we all are quick, strong, flexible, gravity defying. These thoughts serve to strengthen my resolve as I make my last charge.

As I am about to let loose on my prey, with a ductile polymer, I think back to all the moments before this one that were perfect, but not captured. They exist only in my memories and, when recounted to friends, are rejected as “cap”. I wonder about this big one before me, about to occur, with no one to film it and, I feel saddened, that this moment, like the others, will only be preserved as long as I am alive. But I journey on and, I decide to make it the best one yet. I will create a memory unlike any other. It’s my Jordan year.

I move past my target, swiftly, uninterested and then, channeling my inner Simone Biles, I jump and twist in the air, suspended, like a star in the sky, like a rolling top, spun smoothly by a snot-nosed child. As I complete this turn towards my victim(akin only to poetry in motion), I gracefully flick my wrist and, of course, the projectile makes its final impact, resting, a saviour, as intended. I have done it, with moves so random the universe saw the choreography and claimed it for its property.

I have, selflessly, saved mankind and future generations by tossing a plastic bottle into a recycling bin.

With style.

Don’t get up and clap.”

Coming out later this year; “How To Eat Breakfast: Is This An Easy Solution to All Your Sapa Problems And, Is It Really A National Confectionary?”

“It’s a life-changing book!” - Folake Finesse, Author of The Bestseller, “Being Broke - Is It Really My Business?”

Pre-sale is still ongoing and you can get tickets to a once in a lifetime book signing meet-and-greet. Grab your copy, now!